Law and Magic
by Red334
Summary: "What the hell do you mean that's my daughter, Gold!" She roared, gasping to catch her breath, her eyes burned with a scalding rage, "You told me she was dead!" A fireball shot towards Rumple, "You told me I was infertile!" Then another, "You told me I would never be a mother!" Hot tears poured down her cheek. "Oops." Rumple giggled. Minor Law and Order Cross Over.
1. Never Again

**A/N:** So this is the back ground story, of Alex Cabot who will become important really soon. So stay tuned. There won't be any Once upon a time characters in this chapter. So i'm sorry. If you want to know more about the character please read, you can skip this chapter though. But if you really do enjoy it, this comes from Law and Order SVU episode Loss.

I don't claim to own anything here.

* * *

The Ice Queen

Our story today begins in a land called New York , where justice was subjective and the heroes did not always win the day. However it has never stopped them form trying. In this large town was a team of New York's finest, the best of the best, the knights in shinning armor of victims. This team worked tirelessly to reign justice down upon the wicked, this team was the Special Victims Unit of the NYPD. Though all of them were important, one is most important for the purposes of the story. She is known as the Ice Queen of the District Attorneys office, a woman stubborn and resilient in her fight against the injustices committed daily against the victims of rape and sexually- based offenses. Her name is Alexandra Cabot and this is her story...

This time she is prosecuting an especially tedious case, the rape of Livia Teyes, or Sandaval, she didn't know herself. The case was a jigsaw puzzle of never ending pieces, just as the team puts another piece together another falls off. As it turns out the victim wasn't just any call girl, she was an undercover agent for the Drug Enforcement Administration. And her target was none other than Cesar Velez, but that's the big picture. The true criminal in this story is Rafael Zapatta, Velez's second in command. Usually this would force the team to work even harder. Even though they didn't know her and she really meant nothing to them at the end of the day, it was the principle that was so damning. An attack on one - any one- is an attack on the whole department. The situation grows more precarious by the moment, since they can't use the testimony given to them by the confidential informant an Agent Donovan without risking the DEA's case falling apart like a house of cards, they were just in effect sitting ducks.

* * *

District Attorneys Office 8:00pm EST

"Your SVU detectives have got you in a real mess Alexandra."

Alex was generally surprised at Branch's warm tone. She let her mind drift for a second, to find any possible way to get him off her case. Though nothing really came to mind. There was one thing that she knew about her boss, _the_ District Attorney himself, was that he is a peaceful man and he would avoid a pissing contest with the feds at any cost. And her pride would be last on his list of priorities. Yet, she still knew how to appeal to his sensibility, after all he was the one who always quoted Sun Tzu, know thine enemy and know thyself and all that.

If there was nothing else she knew the man behind the rosewood escritoire. She knew the regal man with silver hair whose furrows and creases told stories of victory and of loss of justice and injustice and of the anachronisms that was the life of a district attorney. She matched his curious gaze equally with her own deadpan came to her as naturally as breathing, but was as cold as ice. Branch took off his glasses theatrically, another empty gesture from his bag of tricks. As if he deigned to notice her and lift his nose from the paperwork sprawled over the desk, but that was a matter for another discussion. Branch tossed his glasses, and clasped his hands together on his desk leaning just a bit forward just so she could have his, full and undivided attention.

"They were trying to cooperate with a federal investigation. This was hardly their fault." Alex said defensively, sea blue eyes glinted with a pang of regret behind black solid rims. The whole situation was getting slightly out of hand, this was a judgement call she didn't have the heart ye to make. If she lets the judge Petrovsky subpoena Agent Donovan to verify his credibility then his identity will be compromised and the whole case will crash and burn. Branch's prying wasn't helping either.

"I'm not asking you to defend them. I'm asking how are you going to get out of this mess." Branch inquired, his cold stare never left her blue orbs.

"There's nothing to get out of, Petrovsky will subpoena the Agent and Zappatta will go away for 25 to life." She said shruging it off, rather quickly, she could hear the naivety in her own words. There were too many things that she assumed would happen, she couldn't see how this would play out. The fear was real, it was somewhere deep in a box within her heart, stored away within another box and a hundred of those boxes of forbidden emotions that she couldn't allow herself to feel while she was on the job.

"Just that easy, huh?" Branch questioned with thinly veiled contempt. This young girl was telling him how this would go, him, a seasoned prosecutor who has been in the court long before she was born, how things will go in the court room. There was just so much patience that a man can have. There was just a certain bite that this just had, this fairy tale that she is using to justify the means. He allowed himself a small somber smile, while he twiddled his glasses choosing just how exactly to crush that sort of thinking before it got a chance to fester.

"Everybody understands the sensitive nature of a DEA investigation, Petrovsky wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. All efforts will be made to maintain this informants confidentiality. " Alex stood her ground firmly, tapping her pointer finger into the oak table.

"So you're operating under the pretext that if we can't see the immediate threat then it must not be real?" Branch scoffed tiling his head ever so slightly in blatant arrogance. Like a teacher would to an unruly child.

"I know the threat is real, a DEA agent is dead because of it." Alex countered.

Branch nodded in agreement, conceding to the point before turning that point back on her, "Yes, yes and how many people would you say knew this information as of this moment."

"I'm not sure a dozen or so." Alex shrugged coolly, even a little restlessly.

And now he got her, exactly where he wanted her, he gave her that knowing look "Sounds, about right," he paused gazing down, feigning weakness, before he once again resumed his lecture with his ever old school rich whiteman drawl "Now, you and I both know that confidential is a term directly proportional to how interesting said information is. And well, " he chuckled gravely, " this is just too interesting Alexandra. Cut Zapata a deal"

He commanded, and she lost her position to argue just like that. Before she could even open her mouth to argue Branch was already donning his unrimmed glasses and was back to reading the file on his desk as if this conversation never even happened.

* * *

New York Police Department, Special Victims Unit Interrogation Room 11:45 am EST

Alex sighed, flipping through her flied nonchalantly before directing her attention to two she truly despised most at the moment. She quickly stole a glance at the lawyer defiantly sitting across form her, staring, gauging her next move, then her eyes darted to the scum, wasting space next to the lawyer. The devil himself Zapata- Gavaria. She knew her stare was lingering a moment too long, but the longer she observed him the more she could sense the pure unadulterated depravity behind the meticulously constructed grin. Zapata was just a little too comfortable in his blue suit, a little too chipper for a man possibly facing years in prison. Then there was that pesky matter of Lionel Granger, tall dark, well off lawyer, who just had this knack for pissing her the hell off. Maybe it was his gift for defending the scum of the earth, or the fact that he was actually good at it. But most likely is that it was just his presence.

"Manslaughter 8 to 10, " Alex offered half heatedly already knowing the answer. But hell she had to try.

"Pass."

"Maybe you should ask your client what he thinks." Alex asked, not even feigning to hope that his answer will be yes.

"I also pass." He replied cordially, with fake nauseating kindness, he was mocking her. She was not a person who he can just fuck with. However before this could escalate Lionel jumped in.

"What are you even bargaining with Alex? You don't have a case you certainly don't have your informant." He said snidely, hoping that this waste of time would end. Because he knew that she knew that she has no aces left in her pocket.

"I will have the informant just as soon as the judge issues the subpoena." Alex recoiled slowly dangerously, each work cold and calculated. This was like the cheese in a rat trap, it's irresistible. Alex's calculated taciturn gaze now pointed at him. She could swear she saw his ego inflate at this, his chest puffed ever so slightly, and his sharp black eyes darted to stare right back at her like a heinous, psychopathic abyss.

"You are assuming that the informant will comply with the judges request." He countered, testing her, and to his surprise he saw nothing. Her subtle features stood still, even a small smile tugged the corners of her lips as she tweaked her head with mock curiosity.

"And why wouldn't he Mr. Zapata?"

"Who can say why people do what they do. It's a mystery." He responded snidely, matching her gaze and then some, beneath the mask he was enjoying this. A little too much for her taste. She indulged him for a bit longer.

"You don't know who this person is Mr. Zapata, so how could you possibly know what he would or wouldn't do?" She said just as mockingly, threateningly.

"Or so you say."

The air thickened, the pressure was rising, and this current pissing contest was getting out of hand. Lionel knew this strategy, he used it a few times himself. Indulge the victime and then use his words against him. And Alex was playing on Zapata's vanity like Beethoven plays the piano. He had to end it and he had to end it now before Zapata says anything he will regret.

"I'll tell you what, you produce this CI and we promise we'll take the deal."

She couldn't even hear Lionel's voice, she was transfixed by the psychopath across, she glanced offhandedly at Lionel, "Take it now or it's gone," then her eyes set again on Zapata, her voice even colder than before, she leaned in like a cobra leans in before it lunges for the fatal bite, "And for future reference, if your client intimidates the informant in any way I will have his bail revoked and have his ass thrown in Rikers for the duration of this trial."

"You can't threaten me bitch!"

"I just did."

Lionel's eyes darted between them, he knew that another moment would end badly. For all parties involved. Slamming his hands on the table Lionel shot up from his chair hoping to dispel the tension.

"We're going." the lawyer commanded quickly.

Zapata's eyes hardened, not even bothering to glance at Lionel.

"You allow this," Zapata paused, as Lionel made his way towards the door of the interrogation room, " a woman says these things and you do nothing?"

This was the straw that broke the Camel's back, ice blue eyes grew colder, as Alex rose from her chair. Her anger rose like a fire, her lips pursed, "Yes, Mr. Zapata you will also find that a woman can say whatever she wants about your performance in bed and you' re not actually allowed to kill her."

With all the churning rage and frustration roaring within, Zapata lunged for her, fuck the consequences, fuck the jail time. No woman will talk to him in this way. His raging fury was thwarted narrowly by Lionel's strategic shoving of the desk. In the split second, Granger saw the moment unfolding, Zapata lunged, Alex's neck just barely out of reach.

Alex was incredulous, she was staring death in the face, in a contorted face of a very rich and very dangerous Colombian Narco kingpin.

"Lets not do anything stupid."

Fear took hold, slowly creeping as she realized that the threat was real. Branch's words resounded in her mind. She gulped nervously, watching as they took him away.

"Okay," Lionel sighed, "That was fun, lets go Rafael"

* * *

Alex could finally breathe now that he was gone. It took all the strength she had left not to collapse. But she had a job to do. And she was going to damn well do it. She entered cautiously through the doors of the 16th precinct, hoping to get to her office without anybody seeing her like this. There percinct was as loud as always, detectives victims, officers all busy working tirelessly. Alex hoped she would drown in the noise and slip through.

She had no such luck. She barely stepped in the door before Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler the said detectives who always seemed to get her in trouble ambushed her. She gathered her thoughts for a second and continued to power walk, but she saw the regret in her eyes, and the anger in his.

"I'm fine, I just, I was hoping he would think about that information coming out in open court." Alex said quickly, knowing it wasn't a good enough reason to piss off a Colombian king pin but still, he pissed her off.

"And he pissed you off." Olivia interrupted jokingly.

"Yeah, that too."

"So, what does branch think now that the deal's been shut down." Olivia asked genuinely interested, while casting a quick glance to Elliot who's still smirking from when they told her what Alex said to Zapata.

Alex, sighed, "There's nothing else we can do, we have to move forward with the trial. We'll give the DEA some notice so they can pull out all of their undercover operatives."

"You're gonna blow a two year investigation?" Elliot asked candidly, while tossing today's newspaper on his desk as they passed it by.

Alex shot him her special death glare reserved for only Elliot, and his great comments at the most inopportune of times. "This is the best option of only bad options. We either prosecute Zapata or drop the charges hand him back his passport, he leaves the country and the DEA's case is blown anyway." She hissed, through in the back of her mind, the insidious feeling gnawed. She knew that this was too much rationalizing even for her. She felt her phone vibrate against her leg, rolling her eyes she reached for it. Tuning out whatever Olivia was saying she realized that the call was from Petrovksky. "Hello?"

"Alex are you even listening," Olivia sighed as she stared at her now petrified friend. Olivia's eyes narrowed dangerously, as her hand enveloped Alex's wrist forcing her to turn around and face Olivia.

"It was Petrovsky's office."

"What did she want?" Elliot scoffed.

"I was just called to an ex parte meeting in Petrovsky's chamber." Alex said incredulously, transfixed by the phone in her hands. This is now probably the worst case scenario of her worst case scenario.

They both gazed at her with their puppy dog eyes. She count offer them anything but a delirious nod while she pushed her way passed them.

"This can't be anything good."

* * *

Judge Petrovky's Chambers 12:05 pm EST

As soon as Alex walked into the judge's chambers she was made painfully aware of three things.

A startled and remorseful Petrovsky tucked behind her escritoire.

Three lawyers in powersuits obviously from the US Attorney's office, with their smug grins.

And a paper tucked in the first lawyers smug hand, probably a protective order.

"ADA CAbot." The first man greeted, he was a a short man, not even close to her stature, he wore thin framed glasses, and he was rather bulky in his disposition. He took three cautious steps towards Alex.

Alex remained silent watched the show unfold, she didn't much care about their names and tuned that part out, her gaze was captivated by Petrovsky, her furrowed and timeless features twisted into a scowl, as she rolled her eyes at their introduction. Alex smirked with equally biting disapproval.

The lawyer took another careful step toward her, tearing her attention away from the judge, "You might be wondering what this is about."

"Let me guess, the federal government is about to steamroll New York." Alex interrupted with the same cold derision her fiery gaze burning holes in the short slightly obnoxious attorney.

To her surprise she couldn't evoke a rise out of the man, he simply shuffled through his breast pocked, sliding out another thin piece of paper, shoving it in Alex's face rather pompously, " This is a protective from a federal judge in the South District of New York State, barring judge Petrovsky from subpoenaing the CI on the grounds that it will jeopardize an on-going investigation."

Alexandra grabbed the papers, how could this happen? She looked passed the short man once again. "Is there nothing we can do?"

Petrovksy's eyes lifted to meet her eager ones, that were still so full of fire. But the older woman shook her head, "Not unless you have other evidence supporting your probable cause." Alex's eyes widened in pure anguish, "Then I'm sorry Alex, but the search is out."

"Your honor-" She tried to argue bitterly overtaken by the feeling of injustice and frustration that plagued her since her conversation with Branch.

"I know I don't like it either." Petrovsky sighed, she then turned her brown eyes towards the three suits in her office. Petrovsky took a small breath to calm herself before she said something she couldn't take back, "And Mr. Riley." the shortest man turned his attention away from Alex, "I don't ever want to see this many lawyers in my chambers again. So next time, " she threw a sharp glances toward the other two men, "leave the dog and pony show behind."

"Understood your honor."

* * *

Alex stormed out of Petrovsky's office to be greeted again by Elliot and Olivia, she couldn't get this out of her mind, the more she thought about what just happened the more it festered into an intense fury that set her on the war path to the Second Circuit Court of Appeals.

"They can just do that. Go over the judges head and that's it?" Olivia asked incredulously, barely able to read Alex's impassive guise.

Alex grit her teeth, putting even more speed in her steps, she wanted to get away from there as fast as she could,

"No, I'm going to appeal this to the second circuit. Now we're getting into a violation of states rights." Through invigorating this simply wasn't a battle she had the energy to fight.

Even more 'good' news came barreling her way in the form of a suit and a tall dark man, none other than agent Donovan himself. His face was a mix of fear surprise, he grabbed Alex's arm, "Ms. Cabot come with me, we've received a credible threat." Before he could finish Alex wiggled out of his grip defiantly.

Elliot stepped between them giving Donovan a shove for good measure, "I thought you didn't want to show your face around here?"

"It didn't come from us we've kept your identity a secret."

He shook his head, attempting to keep this quiet, but was obviously failing, "It wasn't against us, Ms. Cabot, it was against you."

The three exchanged tired glances and followed Donovan out of the court.

* * *

DEA Conference room 9:00 pm EST

The anger still burned, the air in the conference room was cold. shivers racked her body. Her mind seemed intent on antagonizing her. She felt stupid for even trying to fight this. The illusion of control of this fearlessness of this strength that she has constructed was falling apart now. Alex placed her hands on the cold shiny wooden oval table. Catching Olivia's concerned glance, hoping to find some solace there, she could only throw a reassuring smirk her way, Elliot's face was unmasked anger, she could see the pangs of regret, twisting, in the hardened marine. Across from them sat Donovan at the head of the table, he quicly placed the tape recorder of the conversation between the inmate and one of Zapata's men.

"This is the conversation that we intercepted from a federal penitentiary this morning,"

 _"Hey how's my girlfriend?" The first deep hoarse voice said, his voice was deep and disgusting, boasting a thick New York drawl._

 _"Good good." A similar voice replied._

"The second guy is a man incarcerated at said penitentiary, we believe that Zapata has a network in these penitentiaries, we're trying to ascertain where this information is coming from. We haven't yet identified the man either, but we believe he's one of Cesar Velez's men." Donovan continued rather pointlessly, his explanations didn't make the threat any more real.

 _"You should take her out on a date."_

 _"Yeah I was thinking I could pick her up this week."_

 _"Alright, she's living on 235 West 78th Street, Apartment C like Charlie"_

Alex's stomach dropped twisting into a dead knot, a fleeting look of surprise, and unadulterated horror washed over her face, "That - that's my address!?" She stuttered, her body numb the words were simply not coming out of her mouth.

 _"You can go jogging with her near Central Park."_

"Son of a bitch" Elliot cursed reclining in his chair.

" _I was thinking that I could visit her mother."_

 _"That's an idea mommy lives upstate West Amherst, but, you should really try to see your girlfriend."_

Alex was shell shocked to say the least, too much was at stake right now. If they only threatened her life fine. But now her family her mother. This was more than what she had bargained for.

"How do they know this?" Alex asked shaking, dumbfounded.

"As I've said we're trying to ascertain where this information is coming from. Have you noticed anything strange, somebody following you?" Donovan asked, in the softest tone he could muster. "Any problems with your phone, at the office or at home?"

"Uh- I - I don't think so, not that I can recall."

Olivia leaned in protectively, clutching Alex's arm, her warm chocolate orbs whipped to meet Alex's blank blue ones, " Okay so as of now you're going to get a protective detail, you set foot outside there is going to be a protective detail escorting you."

Alex, gulped quickly, not trusting herself to speak. All she could do is stare sheepishly at the people in the room, she swear she could feel her ego deflate at this. The great Ice Queen brought to her knees. By a group of thugs no less.

"We're going to have to rig a security system, at the office and at your apartment." Elliot jumped it.

"Don't worry Miss Cabot the Federal Marshall's will be here within the hour to escort you home." Agent Donovan tried to reassure the nervous lawyer.

"No, I want to go home now." Alex protested, shacking her head. Nowhere was safe, maybe if they were going to kill her she would be at home at least.

"It's fine, we'll take her."

* * *

The walk to the car was a short one, however it didn't stop Elliot and Olivia from flanking their friend protectively. Alex didn't even notice Agent Donovan rushing behind her.

"Miss Cabot!" He yelled his roar resounded through the empty street. Elliot immediately jumped in front of Alex pulling his gun out on autopilot and aimed to kill. He was a lick away from pulling the trigger until he realized that the idiot running after them was Donovan. The marine grumbled and holstered his weapon grudgingly.

"What is it Agent Donovan?" Alex asked, she was in no mood for his reassuring anymore, since they were nothing more than empty gestures. She wondered if he even knew that what he said only made himself feel better, it didn't help Livia Sandival and it sure as hell isn't helping her. She huffed filing this thought later for more contemplation.

"Look Alex, everything is going to be fine," there was something alluring in his puppy dog eyes, he reached for her arm tentatively, Alex only looked away biting her lip apprehensively, " Look if we don't find them then, I'll go to your judge, I'll testify in open court. I just want you to know that this is handled."

Alex nodded, hoping deep within that it wouldn't have to get this far. She didn't flinch as she turned around, nodding the officer good bye. Allowing Olivia to wrap her arm around her shoulders.

"Alex why don't you stay with me tonight, or until this whole thing blows over." Olivia said with a soft smile.

"It's fine Liv, I'll be alright."

Before Olivia could argue with Alex, Elliot coughed offhandedly.

"Sorry to ruin the moment here, but we should do a drive around to check if anything is off."

Before Alex could roll her eyes at Elliot in her usual manner, they were sent flying back. A tower of flame erected from the car that Agent Donovan just sat in, the glass the doors, all shattered and scattered on the cold New York street. Only the car alarm blared piercing the quiet silence. Alex could only watch helplessly from the ground, as the fire raged on, destroying everything and everyone inside.

Whatever happened next was a blur she went through the motions like a sleep walker, this can't be happening. She fell into denial, her head still spinning. She didn't know how Olivia had managed to peel her off the side walk, or how she managed to get her to sit in the back of the ambulance. Cold winds grazed against her skin, her eyes never left the radiating fire, the noise and shouts of the firemen and the ambulance were drowned out with the crackles of the fire. Focusing on this fire helped to drown out the quaking pain from the after shocks of the blast. Everything seemed just that much more real.

 _These people blow up commercial air liners to kill one person, be careful Lex._ Alex remembered Olivia's words well.

Three strong men, quenched the fire, and the night darkened again. It was over. A mans life. Her case. Everything. An ember of hope still burned somewhere, as she watched the fire die beneath the flood of water from the fire truck. Alex knew she couldn't, wouldn't let it end this way. Suddenly warmth enveloped her hands, Olivia's voice suddenly ripped Alex back to reality.

"C'mon Alex let's go." Olivia looked back at the car, "Look, there's nothing more you could've done. Donovan made a choice."

That was exactly the point. They made a choice. The wrong one.

"We all did."

Thunderous stepped barreled toward them. It was Donovan's boss, a grey haired man, Alex barely registered that he was even here, his eyes filled with murderous rage, his face flushed with anger, he was ready to tear into the broken lawyer,

"How?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"He had two kids, did you know that?" He scoffed, "You were careless. You didn't listen. Do you get it now !? Is it sinking in!" He raged, on. His raging fell on death ears, there was nothing he could say that would deaden the weight on her heart, make her feel any more dead that she does now. Saying sorry wouldn't be helpful either. So she watched silently as the man grieved in his own way.

Elliot had to pull him away, another moment and he might have been tearing into her. Shoving in front of the man, Elliot forced Alex to look at him.

"You have to get yourself off of this case. End of story."

A sickening chuckle resounded between them, from the DEA agent, "You don't have a case, it blew up with Tim Donovan."

* * *

NYPD SVU Main Office 9:00 AM EST

"Initial report form the bomb squad turned up evidence of C4, and part of the detonator under the ignition they believe the explosive was placed under the drivers seat and they believe it was connected to the ignition." Elliot stated somewhat proudly, handing the paper to Craigen the SVU chief.

He stared at it for a moment, somewhat surprised that they didn't find a signature of the bomb maker, "Every bomb maker has a signature, the FBI should be running the contents to find a match."

Alex scoffed at this, it "It doesn't matter, we know who did it. It's Cesar Velez fixing things for Zapata. The more important question is how did Zapata know who the CI is."

At this Munch chimed in, he was a lanky Jewish man, with a mouth smarter than hers on a good day. "The same way he knows where you and your mother live. He has the money and the power."

Oh yeah, Munch also has a big problem with the man, he hates authority and but he hates entitled people even more.

"And he's not going to stop until you back off or you're dead." Elliot chimed in again, they were now surrounding her like this was some kind of intervention.

"I have a protective detail, my mother has a protective detail, I'm not backing down." She rebutted without second thought.

"Alex there is no reason for you to die for this case." Olivia yelled.

With her signature smirk, Alex said, "Men like Zapata and Velez live on other peoples fear. It doesn't matter if I try this case or somebody else in my office does the intimidation is still there, it's always there. So I can either accept it as part of my job. " Her expression turned grim, "Or concede everything." She saw their faces, they would walk hell and back for her, and she didn't have the heart to force them to, or even see one of them end up like Donovan.

"But I don't want to put any of this on you. The DA's office has investigators -"

"They're a bunch of punks I'm in." Fin chimed first, not letting her finish the sentence. Fin was a built African American gentleman with a pony tail and a dark past, but he's always one that Alex could count on.

"I'm in." They all cheered in unison. Drawing a rare smile from Alex's lips. Suddenly a warm hand perched on Alex's shoulder. "Alex a word with you in my office."

As they stepped into Craigen's office, she watched the older man rifle through his drawers and pulled out a small revolver. Her eyes widened, as Craigen began to clean it and placed in on the desk slolwy, "I figured you were too gun- ho about this to let it go so I had this perpared for you, " Craigen said as he pulled a small card from his pocked and set it next to the gun, " It's my old service revolver a straight shot, and it won't jam up. And I had the license division expedite a carry permit for you."

Alex chucked amicably taking the card cautiously, "Without my signature?"

"I have your prints on file."

Before Alex could find a smart remark the phone rang, "Craigen...Okay...I'll let her know.

"Boss is looking for you."

This couldn't be anything good either.

* * *

DA's Office 3:00pm EST

Two knocks, usually all it took to get his attention.

Breath Alex breath. She remembered.

"Come in." Branch called.

Despite her better judgement she entered promptly, on autopilot for the mannerisms, she was nothing if not tactful. She found branch, like something out of the Godfather movie, reclined in his leather chair and a cup of whiskey in hand, shadows overcast his face as he stared at the still surprisingly put together lawyer in his room. He saw a very bright future ahead of her, he was grooming her to replace him in a few elections anyway. He could see it now. Or maybe it was the whiskey dulling his senses, but he could imagine it, _"Alexandra Cabot, leads the crusade for women's justice."_

"Your ears still ringing?" He joked trying to liven the dour mood.

"Yeah a little." She replied meekly indulging her boss.

"It'll pass, you know I had a fiend who did three years in Bogota, at the embassy, there was a time when one police officer got murdered every single day. Over a two month period Pablo Escobar set off nine car bombs." He said evenly.

"Well it's a good thing we live in the United States."

"And there are plenty of current law enforcement agents and judges living for the rest of their lives with a protective detail because they stood up to a Colombian cartel that will stop at nothing to protect the business." He said tiredly, he was tired of watching the young ones destroying their lives because they have not yet learned how to pick their battles.

"It's all the more reason to fight them." She interrupted, this time more forcibly.

"We have been fighting them Alexandra, since before you were born. Now we're going to drop the Zapata case." Branch commanded coldly.

"Why? How bad does this have to get? How may more people have to die?"

He shook his head with a sigh, " From what I hear the feds have a stronger case than we will ever have. And as for your other question, too many have died already."

* * *

New York Supreme Court 9:00 am EST

"Your honor at this time the people cannot continue the case against Rafael Zapata-Gavaria, and ask that the indictments against him be dropped with leave to represent."

Alex caught the smug glance that Zapata shot her, yes, she will let him revel in this small victory. Any moment now...

"Rafael Zapata Gavaria, you are hereby under arrest for the murder of a federal agent."

* * *

Joe's Bar 8:00 pm EST

"They tied Zapata to the car bomb, he's going to turn on Velez and Colombia can arrest him and start the extradition process." Craigen walked in cheerfully holding a carrying a pitcher of beer, taking a nice swig as he plopped down next to Alex.

Being the cynic Alex had to ask, "What does Zapata get for his troubles?"

"A reduced sentence and a new identity in the ass end of Arkansas." Fin chuckled ruefully.

"If he lives that long." Munch chimed in as he got up and fastened his jacket, "and on that note I will say goodnight, oh yea Fin you have to drive me early tomorrow so you need your sleep."

"Shit you need to hire a driver." Fin complained as he got up to pick up his jacket.

On that note Craigen said good night as well and left with Fin and Munch.

"Look we had a good run, conviction rates are up we had to get screwed sometime." Elliot tried to cheer her up.

"Cesar Velez can probably do more damage to Zapata than the justice system ever could." Olivia rationalized.

"It just never seems like enough you know. The feds will get Zapata for killing Donovan, but what about Livia Sandival. She dies without any justice and we should be happy about that? We tell ourselves that we speak for the victims, but we don't. We can close cases, and move on to the next, and the next, and the one after that, but the victims, even _if_ they survive their lives are ruined. I just get so sick of it." Alex reasoned, in retrospect has she really ever won? Has she ever done any good. Yes, she has an award for highest conviction rates ever in the SVU history, but still, does that mean that the rape never happened, does it fix the victims lives. At the end of the day she has to tell the victims that she is not their lawyer, she is the lawyer who represents the interest of the District. It seems that law was just poetic justice wrapped up in coded legal jargon, and carefully encased in an ethical box.

"We can't always win Alex." Elliot said softly.

"But that's the thing, when we win, we don't."

* * *

As they left Joe's Alex could finally breathe. Finally the weight of the Zapata case was off her shoulders, it was no longer her responsibility for once to seek this poetic justice. With Olivia and Elliot by her side she knew that tomorrow they would set off on their next crusade, and then another, and countless other ones. A small genuine smile took over, as her features softened a moment before returning to her traditional deadpan.

The night was cold and quiet, almost too quiet. There was no speeding taxi, no rude pedestrian rushing somewhere, it was just the three of them. It didn't take them long to reach the intersection where they would go their separate ways.

"Do you need a ride." Olivia asked cordially. Alex turned around, then spun around whimsically. "No, I'm not far anyway."

They still had a small ways to go, until in the corner of her eye a black SUV barreled down the street next to them.

Then the shot that was heard around the world.

Suddenly there was no pain, vision blurred, and the pavement was rushing to meet her body. A sickening thud resounded in the aftermath. Eyes, ice blue eyes, faded as they were transfixed on the clear New York sky. She was transfixed on the fiery lights that dotted the midnight sky, until her eyes began to flutter as she teetered on the brink of consciousness. Agony blazed through her chest, crimson stained her lavender sweater, spraying out with each arduous beat of her heart. Somewhere in the haze she saw Olivia's face, as she mouthed something. Alex's mouth opened but no sound came out. Her hand reached desperately to grab Olivia's but only bone chilling ice overtook her limbs. She couldn't feel Olivia's touch anymore, the world slowly darkened.

Was this the end?


	2. The Past Comes Back to Find You

The Past Comes Back to Find You

Not to Relive It

Just to Remind You

She had never felt rage quite like this before. There were moments close, for example when Emma first made it her mission in life to take Henry away. Maybe when they, once again, all showed up with torches and stakes at her door. But now, her magic was back. She was back. Long be the reign of the Evil Queen. Her feet moved with all of fiery rage and frustration she had bottled up since this whole thing began, they moved as if on autopilot. She strides forward, her heels beating the marble floor of the City Hall violently. Wild- eyed, wild -haired she stops before two grand wood doors, her mouth twists into a malicious smirk. With a flick of her eyebrow the double doors fly open with a thunderous crash.

Silence. All eyes were on her, her short black hair, cold dead black eyes , tight black dress, long black stilettos. All conversations and murmurs ceased, as the people of Storybrooke, gazed at their Queen; fear shinning in their eyes. Their stopped beating, their breaths caught, paralyzed as their listened to the approaching strident clicks of Regina's black stilettos. They watched her powerful panther like gait as she marched down the isle, throwing them little cold glares.

"My, what a nice turn out." She jeers.

Their eyes never leave her as she continues to the podium, "No need to fuss it's just little old me."

Regina knew they were waiting for their prince in shinning white armor, but he never came. How ironic.

"Regina think about what you are doing?" Archie screams, dashing to her. Still clutching to that little ember of hope. Hope that somewhere beneath all that hurt, was still Regina, the woman who sat many a cold nights in his office. The woman who bared her black soul to him. The woman who shed the Evil in her heart.

Archie's cries fell on death earls. The anger was blinding, deafening. She grits her teeth refusing to listen, she was done waiting for them to notice how much she's trying. The damn cricket didn't get her anywhere, being good didn't get her anywhere. Lies. All these lies. All this hate. She didn't trust herself not to eviscerate the poor man.

"Bug." She hissed, with a flick of her hand launching Archie into the crowd.

High on adrenaline and with nothing to lose Grumpy charged at Regina, next thing he knew he was flying head first into Ruby.

Granny took aim. Steady. Her eyes piecing the evil queen. Her crossbow taught ad ready Granny pulled the trigger. The arrow flew but skewed to the side at the last second, flying right into Regina's hands.

Regina gripped the arrow examining the object, then just as easily setting it to flames.

"How sweet." she quipped

"What do you want!." Ruby roared defiantly.

"Me. She wants me." a small cry came from the crowd. It was none other than Henry, "Okay, I'll come with you just leave them alone."

Henry marched forward, cautiously, he had never seen his mom quite like this. He heard rumors, and he had this image in his head of the Evil Queen, but he never truly put his mother face to it. He still saw the light. He wanted to tell her how disappointed he is in her, how she betrayed him once again. For what?

"That's my boy." Regina soothes, her voice breaking just a little, enough for Henry to notice. His defiant eyes green orbs softened a bit, he heard the fragile woman underneath the facade come out as her hand gently cupped his cheek and yearning thumbs running down his cheek. Regina wraps a protective arm around Henry as they made their way out of the door.

* * *

"Don't expect things to just go back to how they used to be." Regina told Henry as they entered her mansion. It was a house but it wasn't really a home. Before Regina could even shut the door, Henry dashed upstairs as fast as his legs could take him.

"Henry." Regina called, "Henry?"

She tried to follow him, but it was too late, she already heard the slam of his door.

Henry knew he had to get away. This wasn't his mother anymore, this wasn't Regina. This was the Evil Queen, with her magic, and her power, and it scared him. He had to get to David in time. Henry ran, as fast as his legs could take him. Stumbling into his room, he reached for the rope of bedsheets he had tucked away under his bed just for an occasion like this. He could hear the clicks like clockwork approaching his room. Time was running scarce, and he had to act now. He tied to rope to the heater just bellow the window. His heart drummed in his chest, his arms were numb, but his eyes were on the prize.

Breathe.

You can do this.

You're a hero.

One last breath, and Henry jumped from the windowsill. He shut his eyes, waiting for the line to break. But he wasn't he was almost there. He could taste the freedom. Suddenly tree branches wrapped around him, tearing him away from the rope, and lifting him to the window. He pulled as much as his muscles, would allow but the death grip of the branches was too strong.

"Don't fight it honey. You'll get a splinter." Regina called out to him.

Piecing green eyes glared daggers at the Queen, if glares could kill she would have died a thousand painful deaths. It was like a shot in the heart for Regina, she was still his mother. All she does was for his best. And yet, he still hates her. Dark whiskey brown eyes filled with a glimmer a shadow of a tear, she always ends up hurting him. Always. She let out a furious breath as she held her hand out for Henry to grab on. His glare didn't falter, he still didn't trust her. Slowly she withdrew her hand motioning the branches to drop Henry inside. She blinked the the tears threatening to spill form her eyes, the conflict in her eyes, between the sadness, the guilt, the rage.

"Sweetie are you okay?" Regina asked, reaching to help Henry from the ground.

Henry jerked away as if her touch was fire, and she was the plague. He whipped back hot crystalline tears running down his face, red from crying. " How long?" Henry chocked out stumbling back to his feet, falling back onto the bed, "How long am I in prison?" He asked between the sobs that raked his body, "Until I grow up?"

Regina stumbled a bit as the words slammed into her, she too sat across from him on the bed, his eyes. Those green eyes she used to love to stare in were now gleaming with pure disgust, veiled by rage. Her eyes grew wide as if Henry had reached in pulled her heart from her chest, and squeezed. "Henry I rescued you because I love you." She pleaded.

"So I'm a prisoner because you love me? How is that fair?"

Regina winced again, old memories were now stirring. How could he think she was unfair. All she does was because she loves him. "Do you remember where I come from. Now that's not fair." As much as she hates to admit it, "Henry after many years here, and all the other lands that I have seen, this land is the fairest of them all."

"You ruined lives! You sent away Emma and Mary-Margaret!" He screamed, the pain of betrayal shining in his eyes.

"That was an accident." She whispers, turning her face to mask the burning tears.

"The way you treated me wasn't an accident. You made it so no one believed me . You made me feel crazy." Henry persevered, this woman wasn't his mother anymore, he wasn't sure she even had feelings anymore. He wanted her to be good. That's all he ever wanted. Pained memories flash in the back of his mind, when he started noticing that he was the only one aging, that each day felt the same and repeated over and over again. He remembers confiding in his mother, no this woman, and then being stabbed a thousand times by her condescending glare.

"But that's all going to change now. You can know all the secrets." The pangs of regret licked the walls surrounding her heart, she grabbed his hand, "You can live in a house with magic."

She drops his hand, and conjures a beautiful scrumptious cupcake layered with blue and yellow icing, topped with fruit and candy, all wrapped in a thick paper cover. It smells like home. It's a start

"Look what I can do."

Henry glares at the cupcake, it was beautiful and tasty. But it wasn't real. It was a lie wrapped in pretty paper. She has lied to him too many times for something like this to work again.

"You can do this and so much more."

His glare doesn't falter.

"You can have all the friends you want come over at any time. And you can show them everything in your book" She pleaded.

Henry only shook his head, he knows she's trying but still. There was just too much. Too many lies. Too much hate. Too much blood. She still doesn't see it, she doesn't see what he sees. She still can't see past the magic.

"Nobody is going to want to come here. They're all to scared of you.

Rage now boils within her, "You can make them not be scared." She sighs, "You can make them love you."

"I don't want that." He swallowed meekly. "I DON"T WANT TO BE YOU."

There it was. Regina finally saw the grief in her boys green eyes. She sank in her seat, her stomach knotted uncomfortably, she knew in that moment that she had lost him. That look was all to familiar to her. She had the same look in her eyes when she gazed at her mother. She cursed mentally. She had promised herself that this would never happen. Regina remembered staring at the sky, searching for the brightest stars and yelling to whoever was listing to prevent her from becoming her.

Henry's glare never lifted from her, the judging glare she had learned to ignore even enjoy when it was contorting the faces of one or all of Storybrooke's wonderfully idiotic citizens. But now it was different, now it was Henry. She never thought that he would give up, with all his hero talk, that he would save the Evil Queen. That she could be a hero too.

Regina didn't say anything, she couldn't, she simply marched out of his room. The cold air followed her as she slammed the door with her magic. Suddenly all of her self control was gone. Her back pressed against the wood of her sons door she slid down, her legs no longer able to hold her weight. The ghost of happiness, the specter of hope was ripped form her so cruelly, by Henry nonetheless. There is now a void, a void that his words had ripped in her ebony heart, somewhere where her heart used to be. Tears, scalding salty tears rolled down her cheek, she pressed her head to her knees muffling broken cries. She was now broken. Cracks that were left by Emma, the Charming's, Gold, Cora. It was all coming crashing down.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, how many hours have passed, or even if Henry was still in his room. He probably wasn't. Everything hurt, it hurt to move, hell it hurt to breathe. There was a mirror across from her, she didn't even know why the hell she had so many mirrors everywhere. For a second she looked in it, her eyes flared, her breath hitched, heart stuttered to a halt.

For a split second she could've sword she saw Cora stare back at her. Regina saw red, with a wave of her hand the mirror shattered.

"No" She whispered, her whisper inaudible over her lamenting raw sobs, "no, no, no..."

 _Regina stood silently gazing out the window of her balcony, she had woken up hours ago but she prayed she was still asleep and this was all just a twisted nightmare. She stood there in a dress, the purest of white, the finest of silk, it was etched with the finest jewels. But it felt uncomfortable, this wasn't her. She thought back to the stables, the butterfly kisses that left her breathless, that tasted of summer and grass...and happiness. Sweet dreams, morphed into the most brutal of nightmares. Her happiness burned down in flames to ash, and went up in smoke with her all love and memories._

 _The wind howled again, the trees bent against its mighty force. With the same ruthless strength it beat against Regina's skin, the cold washed over her. Letting her feel something anything, clearing the haze for just a moment. It was calling her, something. Nudging her closer to the edge. Regina stepped closer to the edge of the balcony. The only thing separating her from a 10 story fall down was a simple railing. Just another step and all her problems will be solved.  
_

 _"What's this dear?"_

 _A voice called, jarring her from the brink again. Once again, she she writes the story, the pen is still in her hand. Just like Daniels heart was._

 _Regina whipped around to meet her mother, "I have no idea, a gift of some sort." she lied. This was the mirror that Rumple had given her in order to send Cora to a far off land where she won't be able to hurt her ever again. Ever._

 _Chills ran down her spine as she gazed into her mother unknowing eyes. Maybe she thought. Maybe there was still some good left in her. This was only a split second until she remembered that there was also that demon that had crushed her true love's heart so callously. Heartlessly._

 _"Maybe it's a portrait." Cora continued casually with a glint of excitement in her beady eyes._

 _Without Regina's permission of course, Cora flicked her wrist and threw the drape off the gift._

 _"Oh, a looking glass," Cora said with a hint of disappointment, "Not nearly as personal" she mused approaching the stunning seven foot tall mirror, "I wonder sometimes if the people really love you." She quipped._

 _Regina was at a loss for words, yet she couldn't bring herself to muster the flame that Rumple had praised her for so many times. She just didn't give any more shits. She was done._

 _"I'm trying my best" Regina stammered._

 _"Oh, I'm sorry." Cora apologized. Regina wished there was even some truth to her words. Suddenly Cora reached to grab Regina's hand, placing the other on the young queens back. A warm gesture, but it only hurt more, it only hardened her resolve. With Cora it will always be like this. Regina knew this well. She will never be able to truly hate her mother, she's like a bad crutch, that she will always come back to, but it will only hurt her._

 _She didn't even realize that Cora had said anything until they were standing in front of the mirror._

 _"Look at you with your whole life ahead of you. And it's going to be better than you can imagine." Cora circled Regina like a hawk circles her prey, cold eyes, met shaken brown ones, she pulled her daughter closer, whispering, "Regina, the king isn't a strong man. The kingdom will be yours. Raise the tributes, form a personal guard, let everyone know where the true power lies."_

 _"Is that what you would do mother." Regina's face contorted with disgust, what kind of monster does her mother think her to be, she doesn't even want to be here. This whole palace was suffocating, haunted with broken dreams, shattered love. There was nothing for her here. And this twisted half cocked plan, was pouring salt on the wound._

 _"That's exactly what I would do." Cora smiled._

 _It was now or never, this woman need to leave. Or this life would never truly be hers._

 _Take what you need dearie, nothing in life comes for free. Those words stuck in her heart._

 _"Well the thing is I don't want to be you." Regina hissed, eyes a flame with fury, she didn't know where it came from she couldn't stop now. She whipped around calling on everything she had, rage, anger, sadness, regret. She was going to use magic._

 _Suddenly she froze._

 _"What are you doing?" Cora asked incredulously, her hand raised freezing her in place._

 _"You think it's that easy to get rid of me, " She laughed wickedly, "You're stuck with me forever honey. Because I'm your mother."_

 _Those words, she had to do it again. There was no giving up now. In the glass she could swear she saw rumple motioning her to move, push. With all her rage, pure unadulterated rage, Regina roared. Shattering the magical shackles, propelling Cora into the mirror._

 _The last glimpse of her mother she saw the betrayal in her eyes, but it was over now. She was done. No more magic. No more Cora._

 _This power she felt invincible. She felt alive for the first time since Daniel's death. And it was fucking scary._

Suddenly sicked, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Angry at herself for acting so needy, so weak, but the flame was gone. There was nothing left here for her, it was time to 'cut her loses.' as Gold loved to put it. With steely determination she got up onto her shaky legs. Resolutely, with as much regalia as she could muster she marched to her room across from Henry's. She hesitated for a moment, as if blocked by a barrier. Her room didn't feel like her's anymore, an unfamiliar chill emanated form the door. She opened the door, flipped the switches and her room was illuminated. It all felt too dark.

There were so many memories here. She was particularly fond of the one where Henry used to climb into her bed when he couldn't sleep or just because he _wanted_ to see her, or he wanted a bed time story. Or the more recent ones, the ones where she couldn't count the amount of tears that her pillow had soaked.

She had lost Henry.

There was nothing left for her here anymore.

She knew what had to be done.

Her march had lost it's intensity, she stalked toward large walk in closet, where she kept a box hidden. A box where she kept her arguably best memories. It was from a time when she was still happy, when Henry was still happy, about 10 years ago. Regina dug through her closet, tearing it apart, carelessly throwing the clothes, the junk the shoes out of the way until she reached her prize. A small black box. Gulping apprehensively Regina reached for it carefully, a stray tear ran down her cheek. Plopping down on her king sized bed she clutched the box in her frozen hands. Another sigh and she opened it, butterflies fluttering in her stomach once again. It was her old ID, _Dr. Eva Zambrano,_ what a name she thought to herself. It was all still intact her Florida drivers license, hospital ID card, passport, old jeep car keys, even a picture that she had taken with her best friend. Her only true friend. Chris DeLeo. He must be old now, moved on, probably has his own wife and kids.

Regina thought back to her old days of being a world class trauma surgeon, the rush, the thrill, she was saving life. Maybe in her own way trying to search for the good inside of herself, trying to make amends for all she has done as the Evil Queen.

Maybe if she could cross the town line again, she could come back to this life. And the Evil Queen would be gone.

Henry could finally be happy.

It's all for Henry.

 _Finally tasting her freedom, Regina left as soon as she could, under the pretext she was going to riding. She could finally get away from this life form Snow, from Leopold. She rode her horse as fast as she could, thunderous gallops pounded the mushy dirt. The horse neighed, stopping in it's tracks at the sight of Rumple, as calm as ever boasting his signature smile._

 _Regina got off her horse quickly, not wanting to waste any precious time._

 _"Here, a gift. I don't want this." Regina sighed, shoving the book into the Dark One's hands._

 _"It can't be a gift if it was mine to start with." He jeered, but Regina had no time to indulge him, and she simply reached for her horse again._

 _"Before you go..." Rumple started. Regina grew more anxious by the second she simply did not have the time for this, but she owed him to listen._

 _"Answer me this, " the twisted mage stalked closer to her, "How did it feel."_

 _"I love my mother," She knew what he was asking, she loved Cora despite her glaring flaws, she didn't want to send her away. She had to._

 _"That's not what I asked dearie. How did it feel? To use magic?"_

 _"It doesn't matter I'll never use it again." Regina stammered._

 _"Why not?"_

 _"Because I loved it." Regina whispered._

 _"You have discovered who you are." Rumple giggled. "You could do so much now , if you let me show you how."_

 _"Through magic."_

 _"Through many things."_

 _"And what do you get out of it?" She knew everything always came with a price._

 _"One day, you'll do something for me. Let me guide you."_

 _"And I won't become like her." It was just too tempting, so much power, so much knowledge right at her fingertips._

 _"That dearie, is entirely up to you."_

She glanced at the clock it was 8:00 pm now, and she was still holding on to the little box of things. Just as she was clinging on to hope. She had two choices, to her right there was the magical book that Rumple had given her, and on the other hand her new life. There was no point of magic anymore. There was no happiness in it anymore.

Boom.

Regina's door came tumbling down, and out of the dust strode an enraged Charming, sword in hand, just like a proper knight. It was about damn time too.

"I want to see him!" He roared rushing with the sword towards her, ready to plunge the shark steel into the minute broken woman. Before he could swing he saw that there was something wrong.

There was so many biting remarks that she had for him, but they all died on her tongue, there was no point anymore. There was no point in clinging on to somebody who doesn't love you.

"Henry come down." Regina commanded, her voice lost it's authority, it was just a desperate cry.

Charming's eyes incredulous, but still resolute on taking back Henry. His sword inched closer to Regina's neck, itching to spill her blood. But there was something wrong. He could feel it. This was just too easy. He was expecting a fight. Anything. Even a little protest.

"You won't need your sword." Regina said softly, her hand brushing against the sharp blade lowering it considerably.

"Whatever you conjure, I can fight!" Charming growled with the same undying resolve, his blade once again perched beside her neck.

"I mean, you won't need your sword." Regina spoke once again, in this uncharacteristic human tone. Quiet footsteps padded down the large spiral stairs, revealing Henry approaching them cautiously.

Regina walked towards her son, in the most diplomatic way she could. As she came face to face with him, the words seemed to get lost on her tongue, with as much strength as she could muster, she said "Henry, you're gonna go home with David." She looked into his green eyes one last time. Hoping to see even a little ember of love. But there was no such thing.

David though he had died and this was just some weird sick dream, or this wasn't even Regina.

Henry shot a quick glance to David, before asking, "Really?"

"Really." Regina breathed shakily, "I shouldn't have brought you here, I.." she chocked for a moment, "I don't know how to love very well. I wasn't capable of it for a very long time... but now, I remember, that if you hold on to someone too hard, that doesn't make them love you." She didn't hold back anymore, she had to say goodbye, " I'm sorry I lied to you. That I made you feel like I didn't know who you are. But I want you to be here, because you want to be here. Not because I forced you, or because of magic. I want to redeem myself. Go get your things."

Suddenly a tearing feeling radiated in her chest, startling agony burned just above her heart. She fell to her knees, tumbling down the stairs. The world began to darken. She clutched her chest, screaming out in agony, veins flared, popping out, muscles tense and stiff.

"Regina!" David shouted in genuine concern, kneeling next to her.


	3. Love Won't Leave

The actress stephanie march did have dark hair at one point from what I've seen so that's what I'm going with. Sorry to all of you L&O fans. Please review and enjoy.

Love Won't Leave

 _"Where am I?" Regina said groggily grabbing her head trying to relieve the pounding headache; it felt as if an elephant used her head as a trampoline. She found herself in a familiar garden, the flowers, trees, and butterflies surrounded her. She had been here before. Though it was strange that she couldn't smell anything, nor could she feel the tickle of the grass blades that she noticed were dancing in the wind. I could've sworn I was just home, with wunderkind shepherd, and Henry. Regina's hand shot up to grab her chest, the last she remembered it felt as if somebody had shot her._

 _She heard a noise in the distance, a faint rustling of trees caught her attention. Regina scrambled to her feet, "Show yourself!" Regina roared, her hands raised tentatively, magic crackled on her fingertips. Brown eyes darted around, looking for anything, any sign of life. She could feel another presence, taste it, a familiar one too, she just couldn't place exactly where she had felt this energy._

 _Regina closed her eyes, her breathing stilled, like a panthers just before he lunges for the kill. Faint magic whirled around the queen, her senses heightened. Aha, found you! Regina whipped around, towards the source of the noise, a fireball already broiling in her hand._

 _"Woah, woah, woah, lady." A blond woman emerged from the other side garden, she seemed pretty meek, though she could see the lines of regality in her subtle features, Regina was enthralled in the piercing blue eyes, dark straight voluminous hair. Though her cry was desperate, and her arms were up in surrender, she could still hear the undertones of authority._

 _Just who is she._

 _Regina was at a loss. She scrutinized the very young dark blond before her, she couldn't be younger than 20 though no older than 25, her face was so familiar. The powerful jawline, strikingly high cheekbones, wonderfully straight nose, clear crystalline blue eyes. She was the spitting image of a man that she had dared not to remember, a ghost that she had buried so deep. Daniel._

 _She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out._

 _Crystalline blue eyes stared in suspicion trying to make out where the hell she was, and why the hell did some woman have a fireball in her hand. "Who are you." the blond asked in a firm tone. "Who are YOU." Regina mimicked the woman's tone, her fireball blazed ever brighter._

 _The dirty blond conceded, she was not about to go pocking a clearly agitated lady, with a fireball in her hand. "My name is Alexandra Cabot, I am... was... the Assistant District Attorney assigned to the New York Special Victims Unit." Alex said darkly, lifting her hands up, cautiously, in surrender._

 _Regina froze in place, her arms dropped, eyes flared wide, "No, no you can't be. My...no..." Regina stammered for the first time in her life she just couldn't. Regina steeled herself, took a calming breath. Even if this was possible and this was her daughter. Why is she here._

 _"Why are you here." Regina finally managed to stay._

 _Alex knitted her eyebrow, noting the sincerity in the woman's words, she felt irritated by the woman's sudden impotence to speak, she gazed at the stunning brunette and went to clutch her chest just near her heart around the shoulder, the fabric damp and sticky with her crimson blood, "I - I don't know, the last thing I remember was being shot, and I saw Olivia's face...and the world went dark, " Alex said with sadness._

 _"Where are we?" Alex asked mutely, her gaze never leaving the crimson stain on her lavender sweater. Her heart beat an ominous tattoo as she watched the dumbfounded brunette shake her head with the same confusion._

 _"I think we're in my old castle." Regina said looking at her surroundings her eyes darting around the landscape, to the well, the walls of shrubs and an endless sea of flowers. "I think we're in Misthaven."_

 _Alex felt herself getting colder, her fingers were beginning to numb, her extremities atingle, with a humorless chuckle, Alex wrapped her hands around herself, "Look lady, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, why don't you start with telling me who you are? And where am I really?" Alex's voice sharpened, her usually detached demeanor was fading._

 _Regina watched Alex intently, not missing a single gesture. She saw a beautiful woman who is unmistakably her daughter. There was a twisting in her gut, a magnetic pull toward her. That face, she was the spitting image of Daniel, though the way she carried herself with authority and that little spark of arrogance and snark, the glare that just came naturally to her. She was so more Regina, than Regina. A single tear fell from her eyes, rolling down her cheek. With all her might Regina was holding herself together, trying with all her strength to not fall onto her knees._

 _"I'm Regina Mills, some know me as the Evil Queen, " she began evenly, "and I think you're my daughter."_

* * *

"Alex! Alex please, please stay with me, look at me" Olivia screamed, her hands pressing hard on the gaping wound, but the blood just pulsated, gushing . The detective could feel her friends hands growing frigid, she searched her eyes desperate to find the light, the spark of life within them. "Alex, look at me, " Olivia pleaded, tears were now running filling her eyes, her voice breaking. She could feel the life leaving Alex, the light in her eyes slowly fading.

"Look at me...stay here. Stay with me... I need you..."

Olivia didn't notice the blaring sirens of the ambulance, the flashing red and blue lights bathing the cold street blue and red. She just prayed to a god that she didn't believe in, any higher power, fate, destiny. It wasn't until a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her away from Alex, did she stop.

"Liv it's going to be okay," Elliot soothed her, wrapping his arms around the detective. Olivia fought him halfheartedly, her eyes just focused on Alex and the troop of paramedics swarming around her, taking her away. Olivia felt like she was dying there too. "She's a fighter, she'll pull through." Olivia couldn't hear the gentle sound of his voice anymore, she was deaf to the sounds of the world, she could only feel the warm sticky crimson that swallowed her hands. Alex was the piece of her that held all the others together, she could feel herself fray and unravel as Alex disappeared into the ambulance, leaving her behind. Here, on the cold pavement, in a pool of her blood, broken.

"I need you..."

* * *

 _Alex stood petrified for a moment before a soft rumble of laughter bubbled up within her throat. The cliche moment was just too ironic even for her to contain her laughter, cold finger press to her mouth to contain it, but she can't seem to contain the laughter and it seeps through, fluttering through the boundless garden. Regina has to shake her head at the confusing situation, there was nothing remotely humorous about this, any of it in fact. Regina's stomach twists guilt, she clenches her jaw to contain the flaring rage licking at her methodically constructed walls.  
_

 _"That was a good one, if only you had a Darth Vader mask," Alex jeered, wiping the tears from her eyes, still chuckling faintly. "I already have a mother," Alex spat, "She lives in West Amherst, she's a nice lady, you should meet her sometime." her voice rising in ferocity. She stares at the woman before her shaken, yes, Alex knew she was adopted, and that knowledge festered into hatred, abandonment. On cold lonely nights she remembered the question she would ask herself, why, why would a mother give up her child._

 _"You think this is funny?" Regina asked with the same derision. "Do I look, like I'm having fun over here?"  
_

 _Alex's glare only hardened as Regina took a heavy step toward her. Regina scoffed, gripping her head once again, to relieve the onslaught of another pounding head ache, "Okay, fine, then think about it. Why are YOU here?" Regina asked viciously, she pressed her finger into the girls chest, shoving her back. The resonance of the question quieted the already still surrounding - tension quickly rises between the two women draping them in sadness. "And, hell, why are you imagining me? A perfect stranger. Not this mother you have in West Amherst? Hmm dear?"_

 _Alex took a step back, her back suddenly pressed against rough bark of a tree. Sighing, deep within her throat, she feels a tremor of fear clamor against her heart in the prospect that what Regina is saying is quite true. Azureous eyes stare into enraged dark ones, it wasn't a murderous rage that she had seen so many times in the criminals she prosecutes, it was a motherly rage like when a child would misbehave. "I - I think I'm dead." Alex whimpers chocking back a sob, "You asked why I'm here, the last thing I remember was being shot, and falling, and it was cold, so cold. I couldn't feel anymore, and it was so dark, and, and, now I'm here."_

 _"You're what?" Regina snaps._

* * *

"Regina!" David roared, his knees smashed the floor frantically as he watched Regina tumble to the floor. A sickening thud resounded through the silent cavernous home. Blue eyes couldn't register what was happening, he froze for a moment, "Regina?" he asked cautiously, before moving a muscle. But no response followed, no biting quip, nothing, only silence. He grabbed her shoulder, gently nudges her shoulder, he expected her to rip off his hand at this point, he knew the woman hated being in the same room with him, let alone being touched by him. _What? She was fine two seconds ago? What's going on?_ Quickly two fingers scramble to find the pule point on the woman's cold neck. His fingers don't find the faint hammering of her pulse, so he presses further and still nothing.

 _Why am I trying so hard? She's the Evil Queen for fucks sake._ David thought darkly, if he could just walk away. _She doesn't deserve it anyway, because of her and her blood feud with Gold, Snow and Emma are gone, again_ He scoffs, _She had it coming for a while._ He glared at the broken woman again, her lifeless face, limp pale body, hell, she looked so human. His mind was screaming, pleading, begging him to walk, just take the step and walk away, he could lie and tell Henry that his mother just suddenly passed out and wasn't breathing, that it was too late. But his heart, the heart of the purest light - the most righteous of all the realms - was luring him back, he couldn't stoop to their level. This was just too easy. _Dammit Regina...only because THEY still need you._ The thought of leaving somebody helpless, anybody, even _her_ would torment him endlessly.

So trapped in his pondering David didn't hear the patter of Henry's approaching steps. The noise echoes, ripping the tense atmosphere, Henry can feel his apprehension churn at the sudden pin drop silence. The chills surged through his legs, shocking them to a faster pace, taps grew into thunderous stride.

"Mom?" He breathed, eyes benumbed with fear.

* * *

 _For a moment eyes that glistened with sheltered tears, burned with an unquenchable fire, a sudden urgency, a motherly instinct. There was a sudden need to protect, fight. She had only felt like this once before, the first time she held Henry, the first time she had called the boy her son._

 _"This makes no sense, just a minute ago I was in my house, with the idiot and Henry." A perplexed glare falls on Alex once again, who has yet to move, make a sound._

 _The weight of the world seemed to slowly be imploding on Alex, the sudden finality dawns upon the young ADA, twisting, sucking the fight out of the girl. It dawns upon her that there was no waking up from this, in the darkest recess of her mind she was begging, pleading for this all to be some whack trip from the doctor giving her too much morphine. Assuming she made it to the hospital._

 _"Nobody is dying today, do you hear me." Regina barked, hearkening back to the mask of the evil, strong, fearless queen. Steel hands lift Alex back to her feet roughly, pinning her back to the tree, watching with watery eyes, as the life slowly bled from the blond, her head lolling lazily back and forth. Blunt black finely cut nails dig into the gentle cashmere of Alex's sweater. "You have to fight."  
_

 _"There's no point." Her voice battered and raw, quick wit replaced with cold vacancy, she couldn't bother to peel her gaze and hold Regina's - not now - not anymore._

 _"Listen to me and listen to me closely, I don't know where you grew up and who do you honestly think you are just rolling over and going belly up just when things get tough. But no daughter of mine is going to pull this shit," Alex huffed in protest, but Regina interrupted her pressing her index finger to her lips,"Ah, I'm talking," Regina breathes, swallowing the worry, dark eyes shone deeply, "I don't frankly care if you believe me or not, that's up to you, but we're connected now, so whatever happens to you is going to happen to me. Nothing will stop me from coming back to my son. Nothing."_

* * *

For a moment the world had stopped turning. Each shaky breath clawed through his chest, escaping through shaky lips. The world faded to a blur, Henry didn't realize it was the tears falling down his petrified cheek until he felt the scalding wetness trickle down his skin. He saw David try and try to wake up his mother, but she was just there on the ground, laying there still, motionless. He watched David howl and roar for her to wake up, the sounds crept into him, not just through his ears but through his pores. It crawled down his skin like plague swallowing him whole, but hiding the words. He tried to fight this harrowing fear. The way it arrested him within his own body.

"Mom!" The words were earthquakes between his teeth. The words lost their venom, hostility. They rang hollow through their home. Empty.

He took a step forward, but his vision was swimming in unshed tears. Steps turned into a tread, then turned into a run, quickly morphing into a mad sprint. Running seemed to be that he could do these days. He ran from his mother, he ran from the problems in his head. He ran all the way to New York to find Emma. A decision not flooding him with regret.

 _Wake up!, You have to wake up._

Run. Henry ran until strong hands intercepted him when he was just by Regina, he struggled, kicked, screamed, with all the fight he had left. He wanted him to let go, he needed him to let go. But David's arms only constricted around him. The frenzy was only amplifying in his body, he clawed and he cried out for his mother.

"Why aren't you helping her?" Henry screamed at David, grabbing onto his grandfathers shoulders. All the rage bottled up within was throttling, elevating him, his body was numb, he could only cling to his David or he would float away.

"Henry-"

"You're a hero were supposed to help her! Save her! You're a hero, hero's don't kill." Henry lashed, he knew that struggling wasn't going to get him anywhere, but the swallowing darkness was blinding. The fight raged on, fiercely. "Let me go!" He cried, hurt deep within his eyes.

"Henry she wasn't breathing, she just - "

"I hate you!" Henry's words cut deep, stunning Charming just enough for Henry to break through.

He surges past David, stepping toward her, Henry's knees smacking the wooden floor just beside Regina. He reached for her, reaching for her face, to touch the face that brought him horror, showed him love unconditionally, the same face that was so cold to the touch. His hand recoiled. The first touch like lightning shocked him, from the sudden chill of the contact.

The sight caused David to wince, David kneeled next to Henry cautiously, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "I called the ambulance, they should be here any moment but buddy -" David paused, watching Henry, the body obviously couldn't hear him, so engrossed by the staggering denial, " - her heart wasn't beating, I don't think she's coming back."

"No..."

Henry collapsed on the floor holding his mother like she held him. He held her like she had held him many times before, he held on until he could breathe again. He held her until the whirlwind of rage and tension withered from his body. He pressed his ear to her chest as he always had to seek comfort in the monotonous drum of his mothers heart. But there was only silence. The cold touch felt so strange and hollow, he had taken for granted the warmth of his mother's embrace. The embrace that he was craving, the warmth and love in her touch, that he wished he could just feel one more time. Chocking on his breaths the boy pleads for more time.

 _"Mom...do you remember when I had those nightmares, -"  
_

Somewhere in the hollow silent chest he could hear a weak faint tremble. Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks, letting him hear what he wants to. But maybe just maybe.

 _"-I would wake up screaming in my room -"_

The air burst to life around them, whirling a creamy white. David averted his eyes from the dazzling white of the magic, "Henry!" David screamed, closing his eyes, still unable to face the blinding light. The energy danced and gyrated through the room, coalescing around the Henry and his mother enveloping Regina like a blanket.

 _"-no matter what time it was, if you were sleeping or not, I could always count on you to rush into my room, and hold me close -"_

It was rising, falling, mingling with the tides of his emotions. Weak fingers dig deeper into the silk of her sleek blouse, hoping, praying to feel that tremor again. Sullen glassy eyes open once more, search the eyes of his mother, trying to bring her warm chocolate eyes back to him. They were focused on a world beyond this one, a world where he was not ready to let her leave to.

"- _You would stay with me until I fell asleep, you would be the first face I see when I wake up - "_

 _"- Don't leave me here...wake up -"_

* * *

 **A/N Wow this was one tough chapter to write, I didn't want to release it with a cliff hanger, but don't worry chapter 4 is coming, just having some trouble picking a suitable direction but please do review and enjoy. Right now I am having trouble deciding where this story should end up, I'm thinking of going Outlaw Queen which then turns into Frozen Queen and stays Frozen Queen, maybe Swan Queen. But please review and give me some inspiration.**

 **Stay tuned for Chapter 4 "** I can't be all that you wanted, But I could be all that you need"


	4. Ghostly Words

Fighting through writers block x( . Please enjoy.

* * *

Ghostly Words

"Ma'am."

"Ma'am please." A soft voice echoed.

Olivia was lost. Somewhere between the tides of shock and consciousness. There was some stability in the abeyance. The world seemed to be spinning without her, the bustling ER was filled with rushing nurses, doctors, assistants, incoming trauma. She wasn't sure when she had gotten here, or how, for that matter. Everything was shattering, breaking. She had no concept of her surroundings, only succinct flashes of reality. She was trapped in a glass cage of her mind, trapped with no tether to weather to raging storm.

"How long has she been like this?" It was the presumptuous fake voice that she knows all too well. It's the voice that builds up hope, flickers the light at the end of the darkest tunnel, pulls and pulls. Just enough so you fall for it. Just enough you to taste it, believe that you can get through it. Then it pulls the ground from your feet just like was so warm, gentle, soft. It was infuriating, slithering underneath her skin, ripping away the stability she managed to muster. The whisper was anchoring her back from the sea of sounds she was so transfixed on. The drone of the indistinct conversations, the barking of paramedics and doctors, the shuffling of nurses as they rushed to tend to the next emergency.

Olivia closed her yes. Praying that she would just go away. She squeezed her eyes, hoping to lose herself in the drone again. This was a futile battle. Her chest heaved to suppress the silent cries swallowing her body, she breathed out in vain, struggling to block out the pain, clinging to the semblance of control, searching for the emptiness. She sucked another shaky breath as the whirlwind hit her dead on like an eighteen -wheeler ramming into her brain. There was no running form this.

Olivia clenched her teeth, her head fell into the palms of her hands, using them to support herself on her shaking knees. Flashes of memories, conversations flooded her mind like a tsunami,

 _The law isn't always about justice. You told me this, and being naive I didn't believe you . Zapata will go to prison with a reduced sentence and resume whatever he was doing before. What about me, us. Craigen, El, Munch, Fin.  
_

 _At the bar I should've taken you home with me, I should've known. I should've known that they wouldn't end it there. I knew something was wrong too. In my gut. I couldn't put a finger on it. When you said "When we win, we don't" were you planning to break my heart?_

 _How do you always see these things before me?_

The tears wouldn't stop, she wiped at them bitterly, in a forlorn attempt to hide the weakness. She stiffened as a delicate hand landed lightly on her back.

"Let's get you cleaned up miss." Another voice said, this one was different. It had a British inflection, London, maybe a hint of Sussex. The delicate hand clutched Olivia's shoulder tighter, before beginning to pull away.

"Alex." Olivia mumbled.

"What?"

"Alex." Burned out chocolate eyes peered towards the source of her headache. Olivia peered into sympathetic at the same time calculating green orbs, who glared defiantly back at her.

The doctor sighed, crouching down to Olivia's level, "Just as soon as we get you cleaned up, love." Green eyes scanned the detective, subtly cringing from the stench of dried blood.

Olivia stared incredulously at the unexpected gentleness of the stranger. But the doctor only nodded reassuringly, pulling Olivia to her feet. She stood up shakily, leaning onto the doctor for support. Elliot tries to help her, but the doctor cuts in just the second , "I got it, detective."

"I've got you." The Brit whispered into Olivia's ear.

* * *

 _An hour ago._

 _Tonight's the night_ he thought. Tonight was the night he was going to propose. He had been waiting for this day for months. A wide smile colored his features, he couldn't stop himself. His heart hammered in his chest. He could hear the it thunder in his ears despite the deafening clamor of the subway. Jitters ran down his spine, he couldn't stop his fingers from fumbling with the black box in his hands. He bit his lip, but the urge was too strong. He had to - needed to open the box again.

It took his breath away. He had never seen a ring so beautiful, so elegant. It was a platinum ring, with a two carat diamond perched in the center, surrounded by a bouquet of smaller diamonds, entwined by branches of yellow god, the ring itself was encrusted with the words _"You are aren't what I want, you are what I need."_ The ring illuminated his world, just like the woman who's finger he imagined it on. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach ceaselessly, he went over the plan thousands of times in his mind. Just the way that he would tell her.

He remembered the time when he was drowning, the world seemed submerged in an endless sea of regrets. The weight of his decision constricted his throat, chocking the last hope for happiness, ripping his lover away from his arms forever it seemed. He remembered making a living from deception. He remembered an ashen haired strident, stubborn, annoyingly right, lawyer teaching him the difference between living and being alive.

Drunk on the exhilarating high of this complete intoxicating joy, he pressed his back to the wall of the subway cart. He sighed, shutting the box, putting it in his pocket for safe keeping. He took another deep breath to calm the swelling eagerness, so he popped headphones into his ears, hoping the music would take his mind off her.

A ring resounded through his ears.

 _Damn, that was my favorite song._ He thought, frustrated at the sudden change of tune. He shuffled through his back pocked picking up his raging phone.

 _No caller ID, weird._ His interest was peaked.

"Neal Cassidy speaking." Neal answered monotonously.

"Hello, Mr. Cassidy this is Nurse Jakie Peyton from All Saint's Hospital. Do you know an Alexandra Cabot?"

The smile that brightened his face faded suddenly, along with the color on his face. The ominous call knocked the breath from his lungs. His mouth moved, desperately, to form a response, a sound, anything.

"Mr. Cassidy are you there?"

"Yeah - yes, I know her, she's my fiance."Neal stammered, through shaking teeth, his insides twisted violently inside him, the dream of his perfect life shattering right before his eyes. His mind raced through the possibilities, all seemed to grow darker as the gravid pause dragged on.

There was a sigh on the other side of the line. A surged through his chest as his heart skipped a beat,

"I'm sorry to inform you, but Miss Cabot has been in shot. She's in critical condition. Sir, you need to get to All Saint's as soon as possible."

All the shock, despair madness hit Neal all at once like a freight train. His hands shook, breathing uneven. He looked like a he was about to shatter right then and there. "What?" He breathed still reeling, his eyes wild and dismayed as his instinctual need to run took over."Fuck. What - what are you talking about- I just- fuck!"

* * *

 _Present time_

 _"Let me show you something."_

 _"No!"_

 _A smack resounded through the emptiness, echoing through the soundless realm. Regina's arm stung like a million hot irons had been pressed to her skin at once. It wasn't from the impact, no. She looked down briefly at her arm, blinking away the bewilderment from her expression before looking up the equally puzzled lawyer. Their eyes in unison turned to the throbbing wound marking Regina's olive skin. She looked at Alex's agonized blue eyes, her own brimming with the same sheltered tears._

 _It wasn't like she was a stranger to pain, but this, it just seemed to hurt just a little bit more. It was so brutal and vicious, to a point even nostalgic. There wasn't even a shred of doubt in her mind. Such rage, indiscriminate violence. It's genetic. Regina thought darkly, as she looked at Alex, suddenly the burn didn't hurt so much.  
_

 _Alex stood there frozen, gazing at their hands, her eyes distant. What the fuck she thought. She could feel a tingle twinkling on her finger tips. This feeling, this strange surge was warm, overflowing with despair and pain, anger, scarred with agony and twinges of remorse. A faint ember danced in her palm, the darkest of black. Alex couldn't help but get lost in Regina's ember eyes for a moment too long.  
_

 _Alex had hurt her._

 _"Don't " Alex snapped, backing up, establishing the space she needed at the moment, "Don't touch me." She shouted, angry at her for this. For being here, for saying all these things.  
_

 _Regina hurt her too._

 _Her anger grew every second, oozing from the breaking barriers, her broken voice embracing it completely. "Don't you see how crazy this is -" She clenched her hands, extinguishing the black ember, motioning to their surroundings, "- and now, you, a woman who I've never seen before. Ever. Say's shes my mother! Holy fuck, wait, you're the Evil Queen too, like the Snow White and the Seven fucking Dwarves -" She raged, her voice quaking with frustration, confusion "- And you expect me to just believe you. Just like that! -"_

 _"Alexandra Danielle Cabot..." A low growl escaped her lips. Soft, piercing and positively lethal, cutting through Alex's fit like a sizzling knife through butter. Regina's gaze hardened into her natural glare. She could feel her heart shattering at the words, she needed to try to comfort her, but she didn't move a muscle to touch her again._

 _"What did you just say?" Alex murmured under her breath, she could feel the high burn out and the anger slipped away in one swoop. She could feel the turmoil inside quelling, dissipating as Regina's tormented voice echoed within her. The truth washed over her in a cool cascade, those words. Such ghostly words._

 _"I know this is hard to believe but -"_

 _"But what?"_

 _"It's true." The composure in her voice was lost, the guilt and sadness gripping her tongue in a tight deadlock. Regina sighed woefully, knowing that the time for words was over now. She let a light flicker of jade wash over her palm as she ran it over her gaping burn. As suddenly as it marred her skin it disappeared, leaving her olive skin untouched. "All of it, I'm telling you the truth."_

 _Alex shook her head, still spinning from from what she just told her. It was easy to deny it, deny the truth staring her right in the face. Maybe this was all just a dream, a sick twisted delusion of a dying woman. But that would be too easy. She breathed a shaky breath trying to desperately steel herself and gather waning strength back again, to deal somehow with this madness. She was trying, as best as she could to understand the reality unfurling before her eyes. But this wasn't something that they teach you. She knew how tell when somebody was lying. She knew how to exploit somebody's weaknesses. She knew how to squeeze a confession out of a hostile perp. But now her eyes shone with an utter helplessness, at how utterly lost she was in a world she thought she knew.  
_

 _"It has to be a dream." She whispered to nobody._

 _"Come here." The words sounded as though it physically hurt Regina to say them as she extended her hand towards Alex. Weary blood shot eyes glided up the figure, Regina's broken black heart burned with a chilling remorse, her own breakdown being one of pure, self directed agony.  
_

 _There was a pull, it was always there she could feel it since she first saw Regina. There was something magnetizing her toward this woman. Alex wanted to protest but her throat tightened as she took a cautious step forward. Her mind had lost this battle, her body moved on it's own. Before she could string together another thought she sent her arms forward, not even noticing how they shook and trembled as they connected to Regina's. It felt like the most natural thing in the world._

 _There were no lies, schemes, masks._

 _Regina could feel it, what was nothing more that a distant sensation that lingered in, faded and hazy memories, that drifted within her for decades, the feeling of her daughters warm, gentle skin coming in contact with her own. Her body was overflown with a happiness that she had all but forgotten in the sea of bitterness, as she grasped Alex's hand ever tighter, as if she was all that was tethering her here.  
_

 _Alex could feel Regina pulling her somewhere, she couldn't bring herself to resist, so like a sleep walker she followed the raven haired woman. Finally it felt like she could breathe, unlike the hours before where she woke up in this strange place, with this strange woman. This time it all felt so lucid, so real._

 _Regina brought them to a fountain that was in the center of the garden, she stood there for a moment, tracing her finger over the rough stone before angling her face towards Alex. "I know this seems crazy, insane, and like a nightmare that you just can't wake up from. But everything I told you thus far is true. I am the Evil Queen from the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, because all these stories that you think are just bedtime stories, are true, and we do exist. In a different realm with magic. But most importantly," Regina paused, turning to Alex as she placed another hand over-top the lawyers, "I am your mother, and there is a reason why you had to grow up like this, here, without me. So look as I tell you my story the best way I know how."_

* * *

"I've got you." The Brit whispered into Olivia's ear.

 _Just a few more steps._ Olivia begged, _For Alex._ The effects of the shock still crippling her legs, they became heavy and aching at her command, albeit yearning to see Alex. She tried to lean into the doctors touch, since she knew that her legs would not move on their own. She could melt into the support more as she thought of the prospect of seeing Alex. She glanced fleetingly at Elliot, hating herself for being so weak in front of her partner, but at the same time powerless against it. Olivia was thankful that the doctor didn't let him touch her, she hated needing help like this, breaking down.

"Let's you straightened out, love. The loo is just around the corner."

The doctors words resound in her head, blocking out the rest of the ER, the thick British accent gave her something to focus on rather than the piercing stares of her team. She could feel the adrenaline weaning out of her system, as the worlds began to come into focus, and the sting from her nose dive into the concrete began to crawl up her body.

Each step was torturous but necessary. She bit her lip focusing on anything but the act itself, her mind drifted to the pleasant perfume emanating from the doctor, to the worried glances of the passing by nurses.

"You're helping me." Olivia breathed. "And I don't even know your name."

The doctor jolted slightly, from the unexpected cold ominous hue in Olivia's voice haunted by a dangerous, unstable temper. The doctor tensed when Olivia's distrustful eyes narrowed, and expression that must have brought countless detainees to their knees.

"That's the name of the game, you do what you can, for whomever you can." The doctor chimed softly, minty eyes squinted for the briefest moment, yet they remained as blank as they they were troubled, "The name's Eleanor O'Hara by the way."

"You're familiar. Do I know-"

"We're here." O'Hara said shortly, pushing through the door of the ladies room.

Olivia's eyebrow twerked at the quite unexpected reaction. She had cut her off all to quickly, she was hiding something. _So there is something off about the good British doc._ There was something about her face, she's seen her before. It was a gnaw Olivia couldn't shake it was one of those things she could smell. It was her spidey-sense as Elliot loves to put it.

Their gazes locked for the umpteenth time tonight, but this one was different. There was an uncertainty growing behind those minty green enigmatic eyes. She had a sudden yearning to ask the woman again. But she couldn't quite get a read on this woman besides her uncanny philanthropic tendencies. So Olivia quickly decided against it, she liked to have at least some vague idea as to what somebody was going to say.

O'Hara coughed curtly.

Olivia knew the signal to well, and continued to stumble into the restroom. The harsh florescent lighting blinded her for a moment, as she slithered toward the sink. She clung to the stone counter for support, trying to support herself once again. Her eyes found the mirror she glared at the broken visage that reflected the same deadpan back at her. An expression of disgust crept over her face as she stared at the scratches and bruises that lined her face, the rough dirt burrowed into her skin, fresh shadows under her eyes from the sleepless night.

O'Hara leaned back against the door preventing anybody else from entering, she watched the detective carefully, she could see it. There was that raging guilt eating away at the woman, she could see it through the blackness of her stare, through the trembles that shook her arms, even in her knuckles that turned bone white from having such a grip on the sink.

"It's not your fault. You did what you could." O'Hara assured softly unable to take the oppressive silence any longer, the sudden voice burrowed through the thick silence that had settled between them.

"It wasn't enough." Olivia seethed, turning the faucet shattering the beginnings of another tense silence with the quiet hiss of the cascading faucet. "It's never enough."

Olivia let the the scalding water run across her hands, painting the clear liquid a nauseating crimson, washing away the remnants of blood. Alex's blood. She scrubbed her hands until her skin burned a vibrant swollen pink. She scrubbed until there was no blood left on her hands, but she knew all to well that they would never be clean again.

"Olivia." O'Hara's voice seemed close, too close. Like it was right beside...Olivia glanced to the side, and immediately shifted her gaze back to her hands. Eleanor had taken it upon herself to close the water and invade her space. "Stop. You're good. It's off." Her fingers crept up her hand, examining what was the beginning of a first degree burn.

"Let go," Olivia said stubbornly, shrugging off the doctors tentative touch, "Just tell me about Alex already."

O'Hara said nothing. There was some rustling echoing off the cavernous restroom. Olivia wondered cynically if the Brit was going to give up that easily. She hung her head looming over the sink again, fading into the silence. She wanted to clear her head, just for a moment breathe. She wanted anything that could dull this cancerous feeling. It all felt like her fault.

 _I wasn't fast enough._

 _Maybe if I pushed for her to stay in tonight._

 _Maybe if El and I ran the perimeter like he wanted to._

A sudden sting jolted Olivia from her dark musings, her eyes flared for a moment, she was speechless and helpless to resist, as Eleanor grasped her hands, pressing a wed cold paper towel to them. Dabbing the cloth tenderly against her scalded flesh.

"You don't-" Olivia stammered.

"This guilt that you're holding on to love, it's eating you alive." There was no pity in these words, just a statement of fact. And for some reason it made her blood boil hotter than it would if she had sensed pity. Luminous greens examined the hand again, pausing. Eleanor pressed another colder towel on the swollen skin, eliciting a pained hiss from the detective.

"I know. " Olivia muttered clenching her hand into a tight fist, "But I promised him, I would keep her safe." She spat as her disappointment crawled into a pit in her stomach once again, "I promised Neal."

" And you did the best you could." Eleanor replied firmly, as she tossed another towel into the trash.

Olivia slammed her first onto the stone counter petulantly, " Stop saying that damn it." She shouted releasing some of the festering anger, "I just - I can't stand it anymore! I'm so powerless- in all this. I - don't do sitting back...There was no reason for her to die for this case."

"I know." Eleanor admitted refocusing her catlike gaze back on the burn, "that's just it sometimes. You know in Med School, you have this vision, that you're going to save every bloody soul that winds up in your ER," she chuckled sardonically, as she told her, hoping this didn't sound like a lecture. Because it wasn't, "And sooner or later you get this case that is beyond saving, and you work until you collapse, you play god, you think that you can save her, but in reality somewhere you already know that there is nothing more you can do. But, at this point this patient has crawled into your heart and thrown your objectivity out bloody door. At some point you began to see the human being, the mother of three, or the bright eyed kid with his whole life ahead of him/her." There was another pause, her hands stilled, searching for conformation in Olivia's stoic guise, "And so you watch, and do what you can to quell the pain; and then you move on to the next patient, and the one after that."

She finally let Olivia's hand go, taking a small step back, but the unspoken was still hanging in the room like the steam from the scalding water. "Alex wouldn't want you to feel like this. You saved her life. A few centimeters lower and -"

There it was again, she spoke as if, as if she knew Alex, how could she, "How exactly do you know what Alex might think? What she might do."

O'Hara folded her hands defensively around herself, settling against the wall as she considered her words carefully, " I know her, she saved me once. She helped me out of a dark place. " She explained, explaining nothing at all.

It was so obvious now, the glint she saw int those catty greens was vulnerability. This mask that she wears so effortlessly, this strength that she exudes. _Was she a victim?_ Olivia thought sadly. _Or how could she-_

"Liv! Are you in there."

Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a thunderous knock on the restroom door.

 _"Neal..."_ She breathed.

* * *

Who expected Neal to show up like this?

Please continue to review if you're enjoying the story or if you aren't so sorry about the slow chapter but I just want to set up the next huge chapter the best I can stay tuned for the next chapter "Who We Are"


	5. Don't Stop to Breathe

Thank you for the reviews so far please write more. So this is a chapter I wanted to release in tandem with Chapter 6 but chapter 6 seems to be taking longer than I had hoped it would. This features the background story to Neal Cassidy (Baelfire) and how he met Alex, and why he was on that train as we saw in season 2 and yeah so read on...

Don't Stop To Breathe

 _"Stop Living A Lie Just to Kill the Curse."_

* * *

Neal's world crumbled into fragments, each tearing as the fact of the matter settled in his mind. Alex. Alex was dying. There was an instance, the beginning of the end. The moment when all rational thought had fled, the moment when the call ended with a ear-curdling beep then a monotonous screech filled the dead air. A shaky finger pressed to end the call. _How?_ He thought as he stared at the screen of his phone blankly, still processing what they just told him.

His mind raced a million miles per minute, as the haze began to clear, and he could feel his heart beat pumping wildly in his chest.

Thump. Thump Thump.

He allowed himself to dwell on his thoughts about Alex, which flashed in his mind overtaking his senses, throwing him into this haze, but at the same time forcing him to choice was taken from him once again as the train came to an abrupt stop and then metal gears screeched against metal rails, producing an ear grating screech

"Fuck!" He screams one last time, his cry slashes through the silence of the empty train station.

* * *

Neal didn't know how long he had been walking for. The soreness in his calves signals that it has been long enough. He knew where he needed to go. His body moved on autopilot.

For a moment he stopped at the intersection as his glassy greens roamed the cold street. He watched the neon signs pain the street, and drench him in vibrant colors. The crowd rushed past him, shoving him, eager to get to their destinations. He watched the world keep turning, as his stuttered to a halt. He walked alone, darkness seemed to be his only companion, covering the night sky like blanket, he could feel the coldness of the night through his bones, the wind scrape against his skin. Looking back at the empty road behind him, it seemed like a goodbye, his heart trips as he watches the life he lead fade into the blackness of the night.

Something catches his attention, a grating wail scratching at the back of her mind.

Another wailing ambulance barrels down the road.

He was close now

* * *

All Saint's Memorial Hospital. There it was printed in vibrant letters, with an insignia of an angel printed just bellow the gleaming words. Was that supposed to be comforting?

He doesn't think anymore.

He didn't have the time nor the luxury.

* * *

 _This morning_

 _Neal watched Alex with loving eyes. Peering at her perfect skin, how the sheets enveloped her body. He basked in the serenity on her features, it was such a reversal from the usual grimace that was etched on her face. His hands roamed over her arm, feeling the smooth skin, tangling his fingers with her ashen locks. He watched her lips transform into a blissful smile, a smile that warmed his heart._

 _There was no doubt anymore in his mind that she was the woman who he would spend the rest of his life with._

 _He pondered how he would say the question. How exactly to formulate the question that could finally bring him his happy ending - or shatter whatever remained of his heart. Marriage. 'The word has an odd finally to it' he thought. As if the story was just supposed to end there, it seemed like a premature conclusion to a life that he wanted to continue._

 _A domestic Alex, he shuddered at the thought._

 _But he always felt this gnaw in the back of his mind, he wanted something more. He wanted this to be it. He needed this to be the final swerve on the roller coaster._

 _It seems the choice has been taken away from his hands, as Alex began to stir. She stretched, her muscles danced in beautiful synchronicity. It was an appealing sight. The beautifully carved muscles danced in the morning light, playing with the light, flexing as she breathed in and out. Tanned, sun-kissed skin glowed, basking in the sunlight, her Cheshire smile added to the captivation, messy long locks falling on her forehead framing her face. She melted into his loving hold, firm yet fluid, his arm wrapped around her waist, while the other supporting her head like a pillow. Carefully he brushed his nose against hers, waiting for her to wake up. Slowly her azure eyes opened still hazed and sleepy, yet so content. She greeted him as he begun to yawn languidly._

 _"Hey" Alex whispered, turning Neal as she just brushed her lips against his._

 _"Hey." He whispered back, peering into her still dazed eyes._

 _"Why are you up so early?" She asked twisting her eyebrow in the signature Alexandra Cabot fashion. Neal could only chuckle as he cupped Alex's face softly brushing his thumb against her cheek._

 _Damn. He thought. Peering into blues so brilliant, that for a second he got lost in them, "I just couldn't wait to see you," Neal breathed leaning down to capture her plump lips. "With everything that's happening, " He said catching his breath, "I just..." Neal paused peppering kisses down her neck, "got so, " he moved to the collar bone, "worried."_

 _Alex yawned pushing Neal away playfully, "Neal I have to deal with Zapata and Lionel in an hour."_

 _"That's exactly why I need to say this now." Neal told her, taking a moment to capture her hand. Alex's eyes widened with incredulity and hesitation from the suddenness of this uncharacteristic touch, a touch that wasn't born of lust or... Alex froze clearly not expecting_ this _in this moment; and if Neal was being honest he wasn't expecting to follow through with it either. But his emotions left no space for his mind to react._

 _"Lex," Neal began, gripping her hand tighter, " I love you, I love you more than I've loved anyone. But this work we do, we're always living with this fear that one of these nights one of us won't come home. So I don't want to live with any regrets, -"  
_

 _Alex's eyes widened, her mouth fell agape._

 _"I knew since the day that I met you and ruined your suit - that cost more than my rent - that you were the one. Ever since you showed me the Alex, underneath the Ice Queen, I found this beautiful person with whom I would like to share my life with. You look at me like I'm a person, like despite all of this" Neal gestured to her grandiose penthouse, "I am enough for you. You don't see what was, or sometimes even what is, you see what people could be. And that makes you the most incredible woman I have ever had the honor to meet."  
_

 _"Neal.."_

 _"Let me finish, Lex. I've spent so many years running away from my past, just drifting through life. I was so busy running that I've been missing the now. But you've made me realize that it's okay to stop running, and how much I want a home, a family. I was alone for a long time. I was lost. But now I have you. And for the first time in a - long-long- time I have a home, a real family. I have only you to thank for that. I promise that I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, and for you to know how happy you make me._

 _So. Will you take me a simple reformed thief, and kick-ass detective, Neal Baelfire Cassidy, to be your husband?"_

* * *

Another morbid thought beset his mind as he stared at the glass doors that held the truth that would change his life forever. The chill of the night finally dug beneath his skin, shivers tickled Neal as he wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck. Funny. he thought. This was the scarf that irreversibly tied his fate to Alex, and now this is the scarf that he wears when their fates might diverge again.

He remembered the first time he spilled coffee on her white blouse merely by some unlucky, now in retrospect very lucky accident, just as Alex was running late to court.

He remembered the new ADA assigned to the SVU unit that he was supposed to meet that same day that just happened to be Alex, awkwardly draped in his scarf to cover up the coffee stain.

He remembered hating her and that stick up her ass.

He remembered also seeing the person behind the icy facade.

He remembered the friendship.

He remembered telling her everything, even about Emma, and the surprise on his face when she didn't leave him for it.

He remembered the blossoming of this love.

* * *

 _"Yes, a thousand times yes." She said between kisses. Alex leaned up placing her hands on his face so he looked directly into her eyes. "Neal, I already know. Because you make me just as happy if not more. You make me feel like I matter, like I'm more than just a Cabot. Like I'm more than just an object..." a stray crystalline tear trickled down her cheek, "You were the first person to treat me like a human being, like there was a person behind that last name. You made me feel like I didn't need to perfect all the time, like it was okay for me to feel." Alex took another shaky breath, "It was so lonely behind that mask. Nobody understood that how I live may be lavish, " she paused to look around the penthouse, "but it's a cage of it's own. But then I met you, somebody who understood how lonely it is when everybody is so afraid of you._

 _I would love nothing more than to share the rest of my life with you."_

 _Neal smiled a vibrant smile that brightened the whole room, he melted into Alex's touch, gently holding on to her hands that were tentatively perched on his cheeks. She pressed her forehead to his. They had never felt more connected than now, he could tell how she relaxed when she was around him. It made Neal feel like the luckiest man in the world._

 _Though again this gnawing feeling returned. Like something was missing._

 _Damn._

 _The ring._

* * *

"Stabler!" Neal called hoarsely.

Every footstep he takes along the glistening floor of the ER fills him with an inexorable sense of inclement doom. It seemed to linger in the form of a curiously heavy fog in his mid.

He must have passed at least fifty people at this point. The crowd seems endless, as he shoves his way through the sea of bodies, nobody stops to question the clearly distraught, shocked man.

Neal saw Elliot's face through the crowd, stare back at him. Empty. He felt another pang of panic rush through him like a bolt of lightning.

Elliot's eyes were green, so green behind the drops that danced on his eyelids, as he whispered, "I'm sorry." The broken whisper resonated above the clatter in the back ground, hitting Neal like a bullet.

"How did you let this happen!" Neal screamed at this point scrambling to find sense in anything that is happening. Maybe if he screamed it louder it would begin to make sense.

"Cassidy..calm down they came out of nowhere!" Elliot rationalized, in a hushed tone. He hated himself for saying these words, as if saying them would make them true. Nothing could take away the insidious guilt crawling beneath his skin, wrapping around his throat, numbing his tongue. "They just started shooting...It was over before we could even realize what was happening."

"Don't give me that shit! I asked what happened!" He fumed, his scream stilling the room around them, as the tense standoff began to escalate. His mind seemed to run a million miles a second, seeing Elliot here in the waiting room, only with a scratch and a sprained wrist pulled at the rage stewing inside.

Fin and Munch set stood at the ready muscles coiled, ready to spring to Elliot's aid. But the seasoned detective waived them off, taking a cautious step toward Neal.

"We were at Joe's getting some drinks since the case was officially done. We were royally screwed by the Feds so we just wanted to relax, and it's been a while..." Elliot realized he was rambling, but the getting to the point seemed a daunting task. He saw the rattling fear in Neal's focused haunted eyes.

Saying it would make it real.

Repeating this story would make him relive it. The shock as the crackle of the gun shot shattered the comfortable silence of their walk. The fear as the bullet zipped past him, finding it's new home in Alex. The pain as he watched his friend tumble to the ground limp and lifeless, then as Liv clawed on shaking knees to her best friend. The guilt as Liv was screaming, pleading, praying to a god that she refused to acknowledge for her best friend to wake up.

"...We thought we were safe. That since Zapata was out of the picture, and Velez was running from the Feds. We didn't do a perimeter, we were tired, just wanted to get home. My car was just down the block, I wanted to give Alex a ride, but she wanted to walk. Liv had one of her feelings, so we walked her to the end of the street...Lucky I guess. That's where it happened. A black SUV...Cadillac maybe - whatever it was, it was standard issue asshole. Out of nowhere they fired three shots, Liv and I managed to duck down, but Alex...she wasn't fast enough. Next thing we know Alex is down, the SUV is gone..."

Neal moved without thinking, he saw without seeing. The next thing he realized was that his fists were digging into the leather of Elliot's jacket, he felt Munch and Fin's arms constrict around him trying to pull him away from Elliot's neck. Overtaken by a murderous rage.

"Where is she?" He whispered brokenly. His fingers lost the traction on his throat. There was a silent plea hiding beneath the undercurrents of the emotions that spiraled from beneath his fading composure.

"Surgery I think. She might be out, they just took Liv to get cleaned up, maybe see her."

"Liv's here?"

* * *

 _"Goddammit! I put it right here!" Neal cursed as he tore the apartment apart searching for the ephemeral ring. Slamming drawers, chucking by-standing pillows, rummaging under the bed. Nothing._

 _Alex watched his scrambling with wide eyes and a growing amusement. She watched him disappear underneath the bed, trudge across the room and dive into the closet. "What exactly did you put right there." She chuckled, rolling to the side of the bed and propping her head up by her arm._

 _Neal stopped grumbled as he continued circulating the penthouse like a maniac._

 _"You're going to have to speak up. I don't speak grumble."_

 _"I said your ring! Your wedding ring, I put it right here." He fumed to the pile of clothes on the floor, " I swear I..."_

 _Neal wasn't able to finish his sentence, because everything that Alex had been feeling seemed to process to quickly for her brain to catch up with, suddenly his face was trapped between desperate loving hands, as she kissed him fiercely with an animistic hunger. It caught Neal so off guard, that he for a split second forgot what he was even doing. Her perfect lips on his, her scent fills his lungs, and instinct takes over._

 _The moment broke when Neal leaned his forehead to Alex's, "I'm sorry about the ring." he whispered faintly._

 _Alex's crystalline blues met Neal's, her grin widening, "The ring doesn't matter, you idiot."_

 _Alex's caring words cut through the numbness of his mind and sent shivers down his back. He felt overcome by a blissful relief, that swallowed every inch of his heart, swelling with each drum of it against his chest. Was this happiness?  
_

 _Gone were the thoughts of Emma. Gone were the thoughts of guilt, and the pangs of regret._

 _Like clockwork the doorbell rang with an obnoxious clamor. Frustrated sighs escaped their lips, this had been the first time they had been a lone in weeks. Since the Zapta ordeal started it was either Neal beating the pavement, chasing leads, or it was Alex buzzing around courts extorting subpoena's from less than willing judges._

 _A reluctant hand passes over his jawline one last time before she forces herself to stand again. One last smirk graces her lips as she begins to walk towards the dreaded door._

 _"I better get that before Elliot breaks the door down."_

 _"We've always had bad timing haven't we." He calls out as more of a fact than a question._

 _She fixed him with a knowing gaze, before cautiously approaching the door. Every second that passed was a painful reminder that once she opened that door, she was one step closer to Zapata and one step further from Neal._

 _"Yes, that we do."_

* * *

"Liv!" Neal screamed again.

His hand slamming against the door violently. He slammed the door until he couldn't feel his hand, until the his knuckles were crushed and blood poured down fist, until his hands were beaten and mangled.

"Liv? I know you're in there..." Neal whispered, pleading. His head pressed against the cold hardwood door. "Nobody is talking to me, they're all giving me these fucking puppy dog looks, like..."

Neal sucked a shaky breath, he felt like his lungs would collapse at any moment. "I just want to know if Lex's okay." His voice died down to a whisper, a small plea of for hope. "I want to know if you're alright Liv."

A long silence settled between them. _Why isn't she saying anything._ He finds the silence calming among the anger, the unsettling gnawing that kept chipping at his mask. He presses a palm against the thick wooden door, the only barrier separating him from Liv, he want's to be angry, scream from the top of his lungs, beat this door down. It would be so much easier to blame it on her, to think that it was their fault for not protecting Alex. _It's never that easy_. Neal thought cynically.

She could almost feel his presence. An oppressive, looming shadow creeping through the crevice of the door. His deafening screams echo through her mind like a broken tape on repeat, tearing at her already breaking heart. Treacherous tears begin to line her eyes. Liv had prided herself on not crying. Never showing any signs of weakness. She didn't even cry when they told her that her mother died on another one of her drunken stupors.

Reluctance catches her hand again, as her fingers wrap around the handle. She stills her breath, as much as she wants to believe she's ready for this. _I can't face him._ The scene seems to be unfolding without her control, click, click, click. The tumblers fall into place, and the door opens with a small hiss.

Her eyes lock with Neal's. His pale exhausted face, the gnaw of the guilt that she thought she had once tamed, was now eating at her with a new dark ferocity. As the door swings open Neal lets his gaze slowly fall to the brunette. The sickly bleak light, drags her out of the recesses of the shadows. The dichotomy of what he sees the cold broken woman in front of him, versus the tycoon of a detective.

"I'm so sorry" Olivia whispers faintly, mesmerized by the earthy glow of his amber eyes. A part of her hopes he didn't hear that. Neal's gaze locks with Liv's, and she can see through her impeccable deadpan. She can see the storm behind the calm exterior. The silence became deafening, until she said the words that would forever be tattooed on his heart. "It should've been me...It should've been me."

Gasping for breath suddenly, Neal can't control the sense of dread that wafts through the stale air of the hospital as he takes the first step forward, his arms like snakes drape over her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. The suddenness of the touch frightens Liv out of her thoughts, but she lets his arms snake around her as her own fear splutters through her limbs. The thought of losing this - never being touched like this again, - so softly, tenderly, most of all compassionately - the thought of losing her brother, her best friend terrified her beyond all reason. Tears prickle behind closed eyes, as she nuzzles into Neal's shoulder, she grabs a fistful of his suit; a desperate demand for this closeness, because for this ephemeral moment she could feel safe. Even if it's just for tonight.

Tonight.

The foreign thought of the end claws it's way into her mind again. For the first time tonight, she can finally realize what it means to disappear.

"Don't you dare say that. Liv. I just.." His voice loses the it's resonance, as the adrenaline seems to seep away from his body, "I can't lose you too. You saved her life, without you she probably wouldn't have made it to the hospital." He tries to smile through the shimmering tears pooling in his eyes.

A sudden beep like a gun shot barrels through the still atmosphere, and her slumbering secluded mind.

"Oh well, would you look at that, just in the nick of time I would say." O'Hara chimed in from the far corner of nowhere in particular. Her voice seemed a million miles away even though she was just steps away.

Their eyes drifted sideways softly, locking with O'Hara's smiling visage, for the longest time her presence had remained forgotten in the haze and tumult. They tried to move and untangle from their knot like embrace but their bodies seemed firmly rooted in place, leaving the safety of the bubble they have created would mean facing Alex, it would mean watching her fade away.

"Bloody hell, cheer up people, DeLeo just paged me. She's out of surgery."


	6. Anachronism

**A/N** I'm dedicating this series to _To Killl a Mockingbird_ and to _Go Set a Watchman_ both written by Harper Lee. These books are so powerful I hope I can make my story as memorable as theirs. I based one of my characters in this series on Atticus Finch, it's not hard to guess which one if you can figure it out comment it or PM it and I'll tell you why. But otherwise thanks for the reviews read on...

Anachronism

* * *

 _"I'm weaker than you know_  
 _Buried just below_  
 _Screaming out with concrete sounds, I'm losing all control_  
 _I could be the fire inside of your collapsing home, or,_  
 _I could be the storm that tears down_  
 _Everything you hold"_

* * *

Bang!

Within moments of the guns thunderous crack the recoil surged through bones. She felt the tension she built up slowly pouring out, quelling the numbing shudders as the poignant stench of burning gun powder invaded her senses, lingering. Her mask began to slip a little, as she watched her mark, her prey tumble to the ground so effortlessly. The ringing in her ears screamed it's shrilling tune, ripping her thoughts away. She failed to comprehend what she had just done, it was easier this way, to never face the one at the pointed face of her gun. She could swear for a split second her eyes locked with blue. They were so luminous in the pale sick moonlight. It was as if she could see right through her, while seeing nothing at all.

She stared at into them, her confidence shattered over a blind confusion. She dropped the gun. A hitching, hesitant movement. She moved her hand to close the window, slowly and solemnly, the assassin's fluidity in the movement and the woman's fear in making of it, and hesitantly reached to rest it over her the foggy window. She held her gaze for a moment too long, asking for forgiveness in that odd way of hers, and smiled a lopsided smile at the job well done when she couldn't find strength to hide it any longer.

"That was a nice shot." He complimented her. His voice rang hollow, drowned in the rumble of the roaring engine barreling down the desolate roadways of some backward alleyway.

She bristled at his plastic form of kinship, she knew she was being used, and yet the strength to fight it was drained a while ago. She couldn't recognize the broken woman staring at her through the fog of the window. Asking the question _why_ ' seemed to only lead her down a rabbit hole that got her nowhere. She smirked in bitter amusement and thinly veiled contempt that she had mastered over the years. Her eyes strayed from the window to her partner, her gleefully joyful and dreadfully ignorant partner. Disgust clawed up her throat, as those ghostly blue eyes flashed in front of her face in place of his smug visage.

"Yeah whatever Greg." She answered with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

Greg spun at the sound of her voice, startled out of his hard-won momentary joy by the thick open derision in the voice of his partner. They had been in the thick of it for years now, tracking _her,_ waiting for the perfect moment to strike, calculating their plan to the very last second, removing even the last iota of doubt from their minds.

"What's going on with you Tamara?" He whispered, letting a little worry slip into his voice, peering at her through his expressive blue eyes, that she just hated at this moment. He would always try that, and most of the time she would let him. It was utterly disgusting how under her skin his gaze felt.

"Heh," She scoffed venomously, biting her lip. The wild anger and frustration she has nursed since the whole operation began was tearing down her perfectly aloof, chipper mask that once cam so effortlessly. "What's going on he asks. When can we stop hurting people for this crusade Greg? When can we stop racking up collateral damage like none of it matters. When did the ends suddenly justify the means?"

"Yes, for this yes, she's the last piece! She was the key and you just got her for us." Greg beamed with that damnable smirk of his, taking Tamara's hand into his. "With her we can finally get into the source of magic in this world." He sneered so elatedly, his smirk growing into a grin, as fools often do when they are so close to a power they have yet to understand.

"And crush it."

Tamara eyed him skeptically, "So that girl is the key to Storybrooke" The sharp edge of her voice began to fade as she began to connect the dots together.

Greg reached in his pocket slyly, fumbling for a moment before uncoiling a yellowed piece of parchment that has seen better days. He took such care with the paper one would think that it held the secrets of the universe, " _And so it is written, on the 6th month of the 6th year a girl with the hair of ash, eyes of sea; before the darkness fall, but of darkness born shall appear. The bane of darkness, the truest of black will be his undoing, and the one of gold will mark her as equal but power she will have they know of not. Only power will she find when the light snuffs out the dark on the path paved gold...neither can exist while the other survives...the bane of darkness on the 6th month of the 6th year shall appear..."_

The words resonated with their own authority, an illusory certainty that almost made them seem destined. Her hands ran damp in the cold, innocuous silence like the air was chocked from the cramped car. Now softened hazel orbs drifted from his starry blues, watching the dancing of the light and the shadow, the patter of rain that beat against the car, the eerie glint of the gun's metal. Anything that could shake the supernatural depth of those words. Tamara tilts her head just enough, twisting her features into an effortless smirk, one that she knew he couldn't read. She shifted quickly fighting to hide the distrust emanating from her eyes.

"You were actually able to translate Trelawney's prophecy." Tamara said this firmly, brusquely, a bit more sharply than she had intended though. "And you didn't think that sharing this information would be important."

"I did, I got it approved by _them_ a little while ago. I didn't want to tell you because if it wasn't real then I would just get your hopes up for no reason"

Tamara shot him a glare as she scoffed biting back a sardonic retort. Another slew of uncomfortable emotions wrought havoc in her stomach. She shrugged impatiently for him to continue, as her mouth ran dry.

Greg pursed his lips for a moment, hoping the fleeting silence would draw out more of a rise out of her. When none came, all he said was, "Look, I know I wasn't upfront about a lot of things, but we're on the home stretch, we have the prophecy, we have the key. Now we just need to get her to Storybrooke... we can finally get justice for our families and restore the natural order of things before magic. Don't you want that Tamara?"

For a moment she contemplated her answer, there was a time before where the answer rolled off her tongue without a shadow of doubt. But now. She would do what she would naturally, retreat to the safety of a lie, "Yeah." She murmured.

* * *

Regina brought them to a fountain that was in the center of the garden, she stood there for a moment, tracing her finger over the rough stone before angling her face towards Alex.

The void in her abdomen only deepened as the dubious contemplations seemed to fit perfectly together, she didn't want any of this to be true - to make sense. She can feel the cold spread like cancer through her, she can feel herself slowly slipping away. Alex searches those brown expressive eyes for any shadow, anything. They were so clear and lucid. And she hates herself for the anger impending anger that lingers, festering, bubbling the longer she gazes into those tear stained chocolate eyes.

Because if what Regina was saying is true, then that means that her life is a lie. That means that this is the end of her existence. She could feel a soft hand grip her control of her own body, she tightened her hold around the delicate hand, wrapping her calloused fingers around it. Yet she didn't want to speak, her throat burned from thirst, scrabbled from the screaming. She could sense, the lulling gusts of wind, breezing through her locks, carrying with it the scent, which she loved so much the floral scent mixed with something enigmatic.

It was jarring something, a feeling that she had beaten down, pummeled, until it no longer flared, something that she had stuffed and buried so far away that she had forgotten it was even there.

"I know this seems crazy, insane, and like a nightmare that you just can't wake up from. But everything I told you thus far is true. I am the Evil Queen from the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, because all these stories that you think are just bedtime stories, are true, and we do exist. In a different realm with magic. But most importantly," Regina paused, turning to Alex as she placed another hand over-top the lawyers, "I am your mother, and there is a reason why you had to grow up like this, here, without me. So look as I tell you my story the best way I know how."

Regina's voice was a knife, that seemed to cut through her sanity like butter, and she let her, because somewhere in the anger she had lost sight of what exactly she was fighting for.

"We don't have much time."

She watches as Regina's hand burns a vibrant purple as it glides over the water, a few broken images appear, flashing across the waters reflective surface; at first disjointed, then they began to flow together smoothly, like a movie.

* * *

 _Once Upon A Time..._

 _I was so happy once. God I was happy. I had everything that I could have ever wished for: I had my horse_ _Roscinante_ _, I had my father, a home, and my true love. Today was a day like many before, but it would be the beginning of the end._

 _I loved the mornings, they were always an escape from my mother, she was relentless and merciless disciplinarian. She would never accept anything less than perfection, if I had the audacity to disobey the consequences would be - most unpleasant._

 _It was true, it was the perfect day, not a cloud in sight, and the sun was blazing casting it's burning gaze over the field. In the distance a faint figure came into view. A horseback rider, who had perfect form, such a sight was really a rarity. Horse and rider in such sync that it was is if they were one being. A short man watches with delight his eyes never leave the rider. His entranced eyes, watch with anticipation as the duo gallop toward their first obstacle, a short but relatively difficult jump. Not even a falter is seen as they leap forward. Then the next, and the next.  
_

 _As the they galloped closer it was easy to see that it was a female. It was easier to begin to make out who it was by the long chest nut hair, and warm brown eyes._

 _Regina._

 _Regina appeared to be a teenager here, fifteen, maybe sixteen at the most. Her face was radiant, so at peace, so beautiful. She was wearing a riding uniform; her favorite robins egg blue jacket, a matching pristine white scarf and blouse, and fitting khaki riding pants, which were carefully tucked into full length leather black boots._

 _ **"** Yes!" The short man chuckles with delight, running towards Regina. His eyes beam lovingly at her success, as if they could see no wrong. The latter eagerly dismounts dashing toward towards the man, embracing him in a crushing hug. " Ahh, that's beautiful, sweetheart. You were perfect." He breathes._

 _"Oh, thank you, Daddy." She says, taking the compliment humbly, but it was obvious from the slight twitch in her eye that she loved the praise. Sudden patter of footsteps caused them to break apart. The father stepped in front of his daughter defensively as an older woman approached. With her she carried this air of hate, that loomed around her like her own personal cloud. Behind her in tow was a beautiful man, tall, dark, but his eyes were bluer than the sky and so captivating. He wasn't dressed in expensive silks and cloths like the rest, he was clad in a simple cotton shirt, and rough working pants._

 _"Beautiful?" The older woman scoffed in her own dark amusement, "I'd hardly call that beautiful."_

 _ **"** You didn't like it, mother?" Regina asked, hurt. So hurt, but not surprised, never surprised anymore. Pain flashed across her features only momentarily, before she quickly regained composure._

 _"You ride like a man. A lady should be graceful. You should use a saddle." Cora chided, tensing, her shrouded contempt was seeping into her words like a snake slithering._

 _Regina chuckles humorlessly, "I was just having fun."_

 _Cora stifled a scream, she balled her hands into a fist with pure rancor that just kept rolling off her in waves, "You're getting a little old for fun. Who's going to want to marry you when you behave like a commoner?" She said taking the offense._

 _The short man advances a step toward his wife, "Honey, please leave her alone." He tried, but his spine was not strong enough to withstand her mother. It never was.  
_

 _"Stop coddling her. She's becoming an old maid. All the other girls her age are married." Her mother exclaims in pure disappointment, casting a harsh glare at her daughter. "I had such high hopes."_

 _The worker boy steps forward, no longer able to take the escalating tension "Milady, perhaps this saddle might- " He offers kindly. Regina glances at her mother panicking, incredulous at what he had just done._

 _ **"** I'm done riding for the day." Regina snipped coldly, leading Roscinante past Daniel, as she shoved her reigns into Daniels hands. For a fleeting second her gaze lingers, apologetically almost. "And don't ever interrupt me and my mother again." Her mother smirks with delight, as she watches her daughter rip into the boy._

 _Regina allows herself one last glance to her mother."Why do you always have to criticize me?" Regina asked, strangling the flickers of anger, drowning them in her own disappointment._

 _Her cold dark eyes flared, in the slightest, barely making a ripple in her perfect deadpan."I'm not criticizing you. I'm helping you." Her mother rationalized in that pretend cadence of kindness, but she could never wash out that hint of contempt, coloring the otherwise cynical statement, and condescension tugging on the tips of her lips._

 _Regina gazed into her eyes, her cold eyes. She tilted her head as if she has just taken a punch to the face. There was a spark in her brown eyes that was quenched before it had a chance to rise, as she let herself fall into the abysses that were her mothers eyes. Words had failed her. Without a second thought, or a word she turn on her heel to walk away._

 _"Don't you walk away from me." Her mother growls, seething in her own boiling rage. A flux of blood red magic leaves her palms, hurling toward Regina, gripping her body, ripping her from the ground, leaving her suspended in the air.  
_

 _ **"** Oh! Mother! You know I don't like it when you use magic." Regina struggled to get her words out as the blood red energy tightened around her. She clenched her jaw, chocking back the tears that were threatening to break from old wounds._

 _"And I don't like insolence. I'll stop using magic when you start being an obedient daughter." Her mother admonished, but it stopped being a rationalization with some illusive hope for the future. It was a cold demand._

 _Regina gasped with all the frustration that she has nursed over the years,"Why can't I just be myself?" She screamed, a scream that tore her throat in half. But it never found purchase in her mothers dead heart, they never did._

 _ **"** Oh, because you can be so much more," her mother purred, almost sweetly,"if you'd just let me help you." Her grows dark, darker than that onyx jewel that she hangs on her neck, as she stalks toward Regina, a Cheshire smile contorts her lips._

 _Regina only huffed, trying to wrap her mind around what he had just said. It only frustrated her, gripped her chest, in a tight deadlock of exasperation."I don't care about status, I just want to be—Oh!"_

 _Regina could feel the breath leave her body, she gasps but no air reaches her lungs. Her hands claw at her throat seeking release but it seems to make it only worse. Seconds feel like years, the her eyes begin to roll back, and the world seems distant, as it slips away._

 _ **"** Cora, please." Her father pleads, dropping to his knees, as his eyes could not bear the sight any longer. _

_"Please. I'll be good." Regina croaks desperately. Watching her mothers form bleed away into the dark. As her last thought flashes through her mind, she could see Cora's lips move, but no voice._

 _ **"** Excellent. That's all I wanted to hear." Cora smirks, snapping her fingers, allowing Regina's limp body to fall to the ground in a heart-wrenching thud. _

_Only the sound of her body violently crashing against the ground is heard in the silent clearing._

* * *

Transfixed by the fading image, Alex could only stare at it before it dissolved away. Her heart clenched, thundering against her rib cage as it bled over what it had just seen. Her voice failed, cracking in her throat before she could even utter a single word. The odious crunch of her bones, splintering against the ground as Regina fell resounded in her mind like a broken record.

Alex worked as a prosecutor for years, she had seen the worst of what humanity had to offer, but this, this, had to be up there. How could a mother do this to her own child? But then, evil never looks evil does it? It lies in wait somewhere in bowels of the soul, waiting.

Regina didn't utter a single word, but it the stillness of her body she could see a little piece, a small chip fall down. But she wouldn't say anything, for her pride, but maybe she had gotten used to the million needles jabbing her body.

* * *

 _I never really remembered how many hours I've been out there. But I wasn't surprised that my mother left me. I stopped being surprised by her cruelty a long time ago._

 _The sun was setting on the eventful day, lingering just for a bit painting the sky beautiful purples and reds. A girl runs as fast as her legs can take her, completely unbecoming of a lady of her stature, but nonetheless she sprints toward a ratty old stable house, just at the edge of the property. She bursts through the wooden doors that were just hanging on the hinges by a thread, right into the arms of the dashing stable boy. He picked her up and twirled her, then gently set her down, gazing into her eyes longingly._

 _"Daniel." Regina whispers._

 _"Happy Birthday, my love." Daniel said before leaning down to capture her lips in a heated kiss. Regina let herself melt into kiss, seizing the fleeting ephemeral happiness. He wrapped his arms around her waist while she hooked her arms on his neck, in perfect harmony. They continued for what felt like hours, before their need for air outgrew their need for each other._

 _"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier, but I had to make it believable so she wouldn't punish you." Her eyes avoided him, her disappointment hitting her for allowing herself to turn into her mother. She pulled out of his arms, creating a distance between them.  
_

 _Daniel's brow quirked in confusion, as he watched her walk away, "Regina..." He soothed, "You don't need to apologize, ever. You were protecting us from your mother. You were giving us our best chance."_

 _Gazing out the window she didn't notice how close Daniel now was to her. She looks him in the eye, she can see a life with him, and maybe she could be happy someday. But it would always be like this, stolen looks and stolen she could let go of this burning, suffocating, hatred for Cora – with him. Her back was to the wall. He leans down. His breath just grazes her lips. His eyes burrow into hers._

 _"Did she do this." Daniel asked suddenly, she could see the a new type of rage boil in his now sweltering blue eyes.  
_

 _"No, no. Nothing like that. Just a dress fitting gone wrong, my seamstress tried to make a dress with a choker but it was a little too tight. It was such a disaster." Regina laughed even more loudly, hoping that he wouldn't see through her lie. Daniel's eyes narrowed dangerously, but he wasn't exactly sure what was going on._

 _"Okay but, Regina, If anybody is hurting you, and I mean anybody, you come to me and I'll straighten them out." She reaches for her hand, to place a chaste kiss on her knuckles, " Got it?"_

 _She smiles wetly at his valiant gesture, but there was nothing he could do about his mother. "Yeah."_

 _Daniel wrapped his arms around her protectively, resting his chin on her shoulder, placing butterfly kisses on her neck, just around the bruises. She smiles that beautiful innocent smiles that seems to brighten the room. " I love you, my queen."_

 _"And I you my king."_

 _They stay like this for hours on end, until the night finally over takes the sun, and a cold moon shines through the window of the stable. They talked about everything and nothing at all, about their plans for the future and about family. They made plans for running away that they both knew would never be._

 _"I have to go. Mother planned a tea time to discuss potential suitors." She says, as she reluctantly tries to disentangle herself from Daniel's arms._

 _"Don't go." He pleads._

 _Regina slips through his grasp like sand, leaving just the sent on his hands. Daniel should let her go, maybe even forget that this ever happened, but it was her birthday, and Regina deserves better than that infernal woman. Daniel gazes at her lingering in the moment, he thinks about the happiness that she brought him, and how broken she is now – as if he could see the cracks spreading through her body._

 _Regina turns away, conflicted between her duty and her love. The challenge in her eyes was still evident. A flame still burned in her eyes, something that no body could take away. It was still his Regina._

 _Daniel reaches out encircling her wrist, pulling just enough for her to look up at him. "She'll hurt you." she protested, it sounded deadly, like a threat. His hands couldn't hold her he stumbled backward a bit, gazing into her inscrutable amber eyes. It wasn't a scowl on her face, she never scowled at him, it wasn't a grimace – maybe he found what was underneath her jaded eyes._

 _"Let her try"_

 _She gripped his mint green scarf, yanking, pulling him down to her height.  
_

 _He feels perfect, soft lips crush against his own. It's unmistakable, that it's flooded with emotion; he's pushed back into the door, hard enough to break through it. He doesn't care, even if it means tearing down the whole stable. His hands search for her hips, as they tumble into his quarters._

 _Daniel could sense the hay lacing the air, in the stable - what was he thinking? He could feel the cold floor, against his back, he didn't want to do that there – she deserves better. He let her tear at his clothes, but he could still stand, he picked her up, as her legs wrapped around his waist – sending them both tumbling onto his bed on the far side of the room._

 _Nose to nose, chest-to-chest, arm-to-arm, they fit together like the missing pieces of a chaotic puzzle. She holds down his arms, lowering her kisses, to his throat, teeth slowly scratch it, he can't move, nor did he want to. But he bites into her shoulder, kissing her neck.  
_

 _As he flings off her jacket, she slides his tunic off, but finds a small box. He barely even notices with the blood pumping through his ears senses only focused on the here and now the world seemed to have dis appeared. Until she stops, for a moment she's still._

 _Cloudy eyes, gaze at the box, ready to discard it until he grabs her hands, holding the box together, "Happy Birthday."_

 _Still astride him, she opens the box, to find the most intricate locket, of a hornet, a golden horse, with onyx eyes, and a tungsten necklace. Carefully she puts it on, lost for words, she doesn't even get a chance to open her mouth before Daniel pushes her backwards on the bed._

 _"I haven't done this before." She whispers._

 _"Me neither."_

* * *

Alex still wasn't sure how to process everything. Her eyes widened because that was the locket that she had, the same exact one. She looked at the brunette who could only barely hold herself up.

"Was that my-"

Regina held up her hand to stifle her question. "Father. Yes, he is." She struggled as her defenses began to slowly wither , "Alex, keep watching." She said as she moved on to the next memory, the one that still haunts her dreams, the one that hurt her most of all.

* * *

 _A year has past since the last memory. Regina was galloping on a horse, her brown eyes focused and determined, transfixed on something beyond. She spurred Roscinante to go faster, her grip on the reigns tightening._

 _"C'mon Roscinante, please." She urged the horse._

 _As if it understood, the horse picked up the pace, now going full sprint. Regina let go of the reigns just a bit as a small apple tree came into view. A smile tugged her lips as a figure appeared out of the shadows of the tree._

 _Daniel stood beneath the tree holding a single rose, his knees jittered a bit with innocent anticipation. He laughed as he watched his love gallop toward him, he brought his arms up ready to catch her. Instead Regina was able to masterfully come to a complete stop just a breath away from him. Daniel lunged forward, picking her up from the horse, and she gratefully obliged, wrapping her arms around his neck._

 _Her heart fluttered at the greeting. It was still as exciting as if this was the first time they had met, the spark was still there. They had never had the most conventional of relationships, since the tantalizing thrill of being caught still loomed over their heads. So any moment they shared was special in it's own elicit way.  
_

 _This seemed like the perfect moment to tell him. "Daniel, I need to tell you something." Regina began seriously._

 _It was as if he didn't hear her, his smile only widened and he asked, "Wait before you say anything. What do you say to going up to Firefly hill and having a small picnic?"_

 _Regina averted her eyes quickly as another wave of guilt coursed through her body, she hated this feeling. She bit her lips, hoping it would stop the inevitable words from escaping her lips. But it never did._

 _"I can't. I have to be back in an hour. Tea time. A lady never misses her tea time." She practically spat at him. She knew it wasn't his fault, but she had to have an outlet for her anger.  
_

 _Fight's always start like this don't they? Out of nowhere, you don't see how bad they can get until you start to tear into each other. It's hard to stop - isn't it. You can't stop until there's too much blood in the water, and you start to drown in your own words - and the words you never said._

 _"This is absurd. Stealing kisses between lunch and tea? When are you gonna tell your parents about us?" He finally screamed, venting his own frustrations. He didn't seem to be angry at her, no never Regina. This looked like a pure self deprecating hatred.  
_

 _"You know what she will do to us! To you!" Regina grasped his face, turning it so his eyes would meet hers, she gazed into them, searching them for any trace of reason that he had left. Hate always looked so ugly on him.  
_

 _"It's always HER. It's always about her magic!, " Her seethed, "Who cares Regina! We have magic too, we have true love, it's the most powerful magic of all. It can over come anything." He proclaimed surely, as if he believed each and every word that the muttered. He probably did._

 _She broke away from his embrace, looking at him as if he just grew a third eye, " Daniel we can't just keep hoping and praying that she will come around! We can't take that risk, I'm -"  
_

 _"Help!"_

 _Regina jumped at the sound of a shrill cry, her eyes darted around the field to see where it could be coming from._

 _"Help!" The desperate cry echoed, wiping any thoughts that Regina could have had. Where could it have been coming from.  
_

 _We don't choose the people we meet - not those who we meet by choice, especially not those who get dropped into our laps. Fate's always been a bitch that way.  
_

 _She felt an inexplicable pull, a sudden drive. She could feel a surge pumping through her veins, without a single thought she hopped on Roscinante, spurring her roughly, sprinting without even really knowing where she was heading. But it seemed to be the right way since, the screaming grew inexorably louder. All blood drained on her face as she watched a girl, caught on the back of a wild horse._

 _"Help me please!"_

 _Regina quickly changed direction of her gallop, bee lining directly at the run away horse, it took her moments to catch up. "Hey give me your hand." Regina barked trying to call out to the hysterical girl, but she only continued screaming. Sighing she did what she never though able to. She grabbed a fistful of the girls dress, trying to tug it while reigning Roscinante. However the girl's death grip on the horse was not something she could break one handed._

 _"Be good Roscinante." She whispered to her horse, praying to a god, any god that she would understand. Reluctantly she let go of the reigns, swinging her arm to grab the girls other hand. Heaving her off the horse, but in turn loses her balance on Roscinante. However miraculously, just as they were about to tumble to the ground, Roscinante drops her speed so that Regina could steady her grip the the horse and balance them both._

 _"It's okay dear, you're safe now." Regina chuckled in disbelief, still reeling from the leap of faith, and arguably stupidity that she just took._

 _The girl beamed boasting a face splitting smile, as she wrapped her arms around Regina's torso, "You saved my life?" She said deliriously, more questioningly._

 _"Yes." Regina confirmed._

 _Blue eyes looked as if they were looking right through her soul, "What's your name?" The girl asks._

 _"Regina." She says proudly, "And you?"_

 _"Snow-Snow White."_

* * *

The next image faded as quickly as abruptly as it came, they watched as an older king approached. His face was immobile, unwavering boasting his permanent scowl etched on his features by the many battle scars and furrows, jagged skin as piercing as his gaze sharpened by the sands of time. He walked with an even stride, and poise worthy of a king. He strode towards Regina purposefully, claiming her hand as his, whispering her sweet nothings before dropping to a knee. He proposed quickly an effortlessly, though the look on Regina's face shattered Alex's heart into pieces. It was something between shock, horror, disgust and fear. Before Regina could have even caught her breath Cora had already accepted on her behalf.

Alex digs her fingers into the rim of the well in pure outrage, she turned to Regina but the latter quickly shook her head no. Twirling her fingers to conjure the next memory.

* * *

 _Stable doors burst open as a disheveled Regina ran inside. "Daniel! Daniel" She yelled._

 _"What is it?" He asks appearing behind her as he walked out from a nearby stall._

 _"We have to leave." Said frantically pulling him away, "Daniel the king proposed to me. I can't leave you. I don't ever want to entertain a thought of a life without you. Marry me and let's run away together, so we can be happy." Her eyes shone brightly at the proposal, hopeful._

 _He looked lost for a moment, before he put his hand over top hers, stilling his breath, "Regina you could be queen. You can have a life where you want for nothing. A life with a stable boy from Arendelle is a far cry from that." He warned, swallowing thickly to keep his voice from crumbling into a million pieces._

 _"Being Queen means nothing to me." She said passionate, tentative fingers reached for his face, brushing lightly against his stubble, "All I need is you."_

 _Daniel wrapped his fingers around her palm, bringing it to his lips, whispering, "And if I am to marry you, let's do this properly."He quickly fetches a bronze ring off a horses bridle and slips it on her finger, flashing a luminous smile as he watched her face light up. "Here." She kissed him fervently. If only she knew this would be the last time._

 _It was precisely in that moment that little innocent Snow appeared. Stricken so horrified that a stray tear ran down her cheek, "No. No. Why are kissing that man in the stable? You're to marry my father, you're to be my mother!"_

* * *

The next scene was the most brutal of all. It was almost touching, Cora hugged her daughter, as a mother, should, soothing her, encouraging her. Regina whispered a thank you to her mother, though happy tears as she bid her farewell before readily joining her love to embark on their star-crossed adventure. Suddenly, before they could take one step away Cora's hand was lodged inside Daniel's chest. She ripped our her heart violently, watching it beat in her hand quizzically, sadistically, basking in his pained screams as she squeezed the poor heart, grinding it to dust before her daughters eyes. Alex watched the girl fall into hysterics, begging, pleading, fighting for her love but in the shaking despair of her own sobs that quacked through her body she didn't notice the stillness of his.

 _Enough! I've endured this long enough. Now clean yourself up. Wipe away your tears. Because now? You're going to be queen._ Cora's voice rippled through the oppressive silences that draped over them so thickly that she thought that she could touch it.

It was then that Alex saw her the glint in her eye. The glint of innocence shattered.

"I never did get to tell him that I was pregnant." Regina said. Her words held no anger. They held no sadness anymore. They held nothing. They were empty.

* * *

 _She had been walking through like a sleep walker. Cold and alone. It was an ice that she could feel in her bones so deep that moving became chore. The fragments of Daniel's memory replayed in her mind forever, because she could no longer keep them at bay, like demons they came crashing in. Time passed, marching on without her, as she began to wither and waste away, clinging to life by a small tether, the little one growing within. She didn't know which would be the crueler fate, one of living in this world, or never taking a breath at all.  
_

 _Another day seemed to pass as the deep crimson sunset bled into the room, carrying with it a howling frosty wind. Laying beneath the moons cold jaded jaded eye, she wondered if the darkness was snickering at her. Would it lament her weakness, probe her pain. She wondered what her child would have looked like. Would it have had Daniel's eyes, would it have his smile. Would it be kind like it's father? Or would it grow up to be a monster like it's grandmother?_

 _"I'm so sorry little one." She said in quiet voice that no one hears._

 _It was a silent wish to have no fear._

* * *

 _"Daddy, you don't know what mother's doing to me. It's like she's turning me into her. I have to get away." Regina screamed, praying that he would understand._

 _ **"** Get away? But the wedding is in a weeks time, child." Her said firmly, watching his daughter pace around her chamber. His gaze softened as his heart broke, at how empty her voice was, it wasn't even a voice, it was something between a scream and a cry._

 _ **"** I don't want to marry the king. I've told you that." She said hoarsely her voice dry and cracking._

 _ **"** Are you certain it isn't just cold feet?" He asked again trying to understand._

 _ **"** Daddy, this is not cold feet. This... this is...this is insanity. I'm angry all the time. She's making me crazy."_

 _ **"** She wants to give you everything she never got for herself." Her father tried to assure her gently, but he bit his cheek, because sadly even he didn't believe his own words._

 _ **"** I don't want her life. I want a life of my own. How did she get like this?" Desperate words tore at her throat again, escaping crumbled and cracked as she couldn't keep the tears at bay anymore._

 _There was another silence, a short awkward silence._

 _ **"** There was a man. Well, not quite a man. Someone Cora knew before I met her. He brought magic to her. Gave her that book of spells. He made her like she is." her father said suddenly._

 _ **"** What was his name?" Regina asked forcefully._

 _ **"** I don't know. Cora won't even say it."_

 _ **"** But the book is **his**." Regina beamed storming out of her room for the first time in what felt like eons._

* * *

 _ **"** Rumplesh... Stilts... Rumpleschtiltskin, I summon thee." Regina beckoned, her voice so different from before, so full of life, maybe somewhere a little ember of hope flickered it's timid little flame._

 _"That's not how you say it, dearie, but then... You didn't have to say anything." A vile sneer echoed through her cavernous chambers._

 _Regina spun around at the sound of the voice, her eyes darting about the room searching for the source. She had expected to see many things, but what she was actually seeing was definitely not one of them. A beast had found purchase on her favorite sofa. Was a man? Maybe. He had the skin of a crocodile, rough and leathery, it was a ominous shade of green, incandescently mingling between gold and green. His eyes are what froze her in place, they were not human, not even close, it was like staring into an abyss. Maybe they were human once, but now were so twisted and tortured that all traces of it were erased. In those pools was a hunger, a feral seclusion that sent shivers down her spine._

 _ **"** What are you?" Who are you she mutters, not exactly sure what the right words are to describe exactly what she was talking to. She took a cautious step toward the beast. But every fiber of her being was screaming, pleading for her to back away from it, but she felt this attraction to him. As if he could understand and see past her broken visage._

 _ **"** What? What? What? My, my, what a rude question. I am not a what." He jeered, a rueful practiced fleer settled on his features as he rose from the sofa. He strode away as if he would leave, but however a meek voice stopped him in his tracks._

 _ **"** Sorry. I don't really know what I'm doing." Regina fumbled clutching Daniel's ring between her fingers, hoping to summon some form of strength from it. Rumple indulged her for a second, letting his reptilian orbs scan over the feeble little girl._

 _ **"** Allow me to introduce myself. **Rumpelstiltskin**." He proclaims, extending her a quick curtsy. Which she eagerly, if not shakily returns._

 _ **"** And I'm..."_

 _ **"** Regina. I know." He snickered._

 _ **"** You do?"_

 _ **"** But of course."_

 _ **"** Because of my mother Cora. You taught her?" She surmised carefully._

 _ **"** My legend precedes me." Rumpelstiltskin purred out._

 _ **"** People say I look like her when she was younger." She stated more as a matter of fact then any actual pride. _

_"Really?" He paused "I don't see it. No, that's not how I know you." Rumpelstiltskin suddenly appeared behind her in a light whoosh. The breath of his voice tickled her ear, she could feel it down her beck as he stepped ever closer. She took a breath to steel herself._

 _"Oh. How then?"_

 _ **"** I knew you long ago, dearie. It's been some time, but I knew this day would come. I've been waiting for it. And I'm so happy we're back where we belong." He said wringing his hands in sickening anticipation._

 _ **"** Where's that?"_

 _ **"** Together."_

* * *

 _"Oh, yes, I know everything about you, my dear. I held you in my arms. You were younger, more... portable. There is much history between your family and me...history both in the past and in the future." He spoke chuckling to himself._

 _ **"** Then can you help me?" She asked._

 _ **"** Possibly, yes. You seek power? The death of your enemies? The death of your friends?"_

 _"No. I don't want to hurt anyone. I need to protect my child from mother, from...this life." She said, wiping away a stray tear before placing her hands protectively over her stomach._

 _Intrigued Rumpel bends over, trailing his black fingernail over her stomach. A wicked thing settled on his features, it was to crude to call a smile, too depraved to be a grimace. He lingered there for a moment, a moment too long. She could almost hear the gears turning in his head._

 _ **"** Hard to believe you're from the same family. So kind, so gentle... So... Ooh! Powerful. You could do so much if you just let yourself."_

 _ **"** But I don't know how. I just want to keep her safe."_

 _ **"** Well... Let me show you the way." He said, conjuring a mirror, and three vials "Magic, it can set you free."_

 _ **"** I don't want to do that. Use magic... that's what she does. I don't want to end up like her. And I don't want this child exposed to it"_

 _ **"** No. No. Of course not, but that's the beauty of my gift. You don't have to. It will do it for you."_

 _ **"** What is it?"_

 _ **"** This," He said holding up the blue vial, "Is a concealment charm, for when the pregnancy gets too...advanced...you can hide the bump this way. The next," He paused holing up a red vial, "This is a potion of lost desire, it will make it so that your husband, won't ever take an interest in you. You know for the babe." He quickly handed her the two glowing vials before gliding toward the main attraction._

 _" And this a portal. A passage between lands. This is a portal to a specific annoying little world. Useless to me, but for your purposes, a-perfect. You're unlikely ever to see her again. All she needs is a little push. The question is... can... you... do it?"_

 _She shook her head, "Everything always comes with a price...I want to pay it so that he or she doesn't have to."_

 _He thought about it for a moment his eyes immediately darting to her stomach, "No, no, this is free of charge let's say, It's an investment in **her** future."_

 _"No I want to pay." She insisted._

 _Fine he cackled, "Fine dearie, I want **her** name." He pointed to her stomach, she looked at him bewildered,_

 _"Her?"_

 _"Yes, her. It's a she."_

 _Regina was beyond questioning how he knew at this point and summed it up to his magic. She smiled warmly at her child, "Her father came from a old family in Arendelle, the Cabot's. So I want her to have a name just as regal. Alexandra. Alexandra Danielle Cabot."_

 _"Hmmm... a powerful name indeed."_

* * *

This was a monster of a chapter to write wow. I'm actually pretty proud of how it turned out. Stay tuned for the next chapter, "Whisper" which will debut Henry, Rumpel and Regina. You won't want to miss this. I am wondering if you guys have any suggestions for this series or comments please review, it is interesting to see what you guys think.


	7. My Quantum Immortality

I Do not claim to own anything.

* * *

My Quantum Immortality

 _"And I feel I'm goin' under_  
 _'Cause you smile like you're my savior_  
 _While your hands keep getting_  
 _Tighter around my throat"_

* * *

 _It was so dark. The sky was like ink, dark, cold, so cold. It assaulted her senses lashing against her skin, burning, pinching, and nipping against her skin. Her heart pounded an ominous tattoo, breaths escaping her throat sporadically. Her feet moved on autopilot, numb, as numb as her soul._

 _The once deathly silent forest was filled with the crackle of stray, dead branches beneath her bare feet. Dirt caked her once pristine dress; her shoes were discarded in the night, left behind with broken heels as she ran to save a life. The life clawing desperately, fighting for it's right to be in this world._

 _Her vision was darkening. As the wave of the incoming contraction flooded her senses, the air squeezed out of her as each and every muscle within her abdomen tightened. Next came the pain, as if she was being torn apart, at war with her own being._

 _Her arms searched for support from a near by tree, but they had failed her, like the world had failed her time and time again. She crashed to the cold moist dirt, tears flowing from her eyes in earnest. Though they weren't tears for her, these were the tears she shed for her child. The child within her, the child who she is failing._

 _There was nowhere for her to run anymore. Her body refused. The waves of endless agony filled her mind, pushing out all the other thoughts she may have had._

 _"Rumple…" She called out._

 _"Rumple…"She called again_

 _Only silence answered her. It was always there, this heavy silence, it followed her like a shadow, like a lost puppy on the street, coming back like an old friend for dinner. She can't even pretend to be disappointed anymore. It was foolish for her to expect him to be here, and fulfill his promise. Promises are meant to be broken, shattered, and fragmented. It was liberating in a way, finally he showed his true colors. But my, what a dark painting did he paint._

 _She wasn't slow, she knew that the end was approaching; death's claws are slowly wrapping around her throat. No, death is coming to her as a friend, taking her hand to lead her towards peace. It was a dance, a battle that was coming to its logical conclusion. The music was the silence, occasionally broken by the little gusts of wind and rustle of leaves, the ambiance was set by the full moon shinning it's pale blue light, and the stage was this torturous reality._

 _I'm sorry was her last thought. Her consciousness wanted so desperately to give in to death's cold numbing touch, to finally stop this violent tsunami rolling over her body. She did not scream because nobody would hear her anyway. She did not cry because her tears had dried long ago._

 ** _I'm sorry…so, so sorry._**

 ** _This will be a quiet death my dear._**

 ** _No…blood._**

 ** _This is a peaceful…death…my dear._**

 ** _It's time to sleep…my dear._**

 _"Now, now, this won't do at all dearie," Rumple jeered out, smiling his signature face splitting grin, "Is this any way to honor an appointment? I've even brought a fr…"_

 _Rumples words were like nails against a chalkboard for her, but each sentence was a slow diminuendo into the comforts of the silence that she craves. Her eyes grew tired, lidded, and the world was faded, though she could see a few locks of golden hair behind Rumple._

 _"You ne…do…some…"_

 _"I know…Rumpl…step…"_

 _"Maleficent…hurr…she…time"_

 _Blackness finally took her whole, into the abyss; the darkness of her soul had finally caught up to her. Or so she believes. She does so with a small hint of a smile on her face. She had broken her promise too._

* * *

 _"Regina, dearie."_

 _His voice was soft, like velvet, dark velvet, but tender indeed. There was an uncanny air of directness behind it there was no clandestine message, no little quirk in place. It was just sad. Broken._

 _"Regina." A feminine voice calls her._

 _This is no heaven. It is the same tragic moonlight, dirt caking her clothes, musky scent of the forest, and bone chilling weather. The disappointment is instantaneous as she opens her eyes into a thin crevice._

 _Though something is wrong. Empty. She was empty._

 _An instinct like no other takes over, her soul was calling out for her child, desperate. She springs up, barely able to hold herself up in a sitting position, but she does because a piece of her soul is missing._

 _Nothing waits for her other than Rumple's quiet gaze, and the face of the one who must be Maleficent, however she keeps her eyes firmly trained on the ground._

 _Suddenly it all hits her when Rumple slowly approaches, cautiously kneeling next to her. No words are exchanged, words won't help; Regina's heart plummets as she sees the child in his arms._

 _She is the image of perfection, beautiful with piercing blue eyes. Though she is silent, sickeningly silent. Regina's hand reaches for her child but she is beyond cold, rigid, as she gazes down her eyes don't gaze back. They stare unblinkingly, looking but not seeing._

* * *

This time the transition wasn't smooth. Both of them were thrown back roughly. A blinding light engulfing them both, it was instantaneous neither had enough time to react. What they had seen was the last thought they had as their little bubble of reality was ebbing away. The earth rumbled beneath their very bodies, Regina had tried to crawl towards Alex but magic was holding her down. Alex's eyes were filled with fear; a terror marred her azure eyes, the same azure eyes that they had just seen in the well.

Time snapped to a halt, the world was tuned out for the lawyer, all she saw was Regina crawling toward her. She knew what she was now, on instinct then actual solid proof. She dug her nails into the earth and clawed; forcing her body to move, inch by agonizing inch, until the weight of the magic pressing down on her was too much for her to bear. But bare it she did, there was no stopping her once she started.

Blue met brown one last time before white had drowned them both. One last promise was made between them, a wordless contract.

Neither had believed in words. But they knew the resolve that burned within.

In the last instant of their existence here, each knew that they would see each other again.

* * *

 _Present_

 _"Don't leave me wake up..."_

Some love doesn't leave. It doesn't leave your soul, it is ignited through words, silent promises, and good intentions. Henry's love never left his words, as his sobs racked his body, as all of his guilt kept coiling around his heart, love was still there. The white light was a conglomerate of it all, his pain, his light, his will, and his love. It shown bright in the darkness, it was strong and protective, just like _she_ had raised him to be. It fought the good fight, the fight to bring those chocolate eyes back to him, to make them full of life again.

It was rising and falling with the tides of Henry's emotions, shinning brightest as his hope hit it's lowest point. Even though he was chocking on his sobs, he refused, he will not bury his mother, yes mother. All those times he had hated her seemed to fade in this moment, because it wasn't important. Hate wasn't important.

He clutched her ever tighter, tighter than before. He held her as if he was the last thing anchoring to this world. He whispered little prayers, and promises for her to come back to him. It was never too late, at least he hoped that it wasn't too late. One last time he lifted his head from her chest, to gaze into her eyes one last time. To gaze into the abyss so it could gaze into him, to maybe be filled with his love. Love is the strongest magic after all. He did not even entertain the thought that his mother wouldn't come back to him. She always does, whether he pushes her away, whether he screams at her, whether he literally hates her. She always comes back.

This time felt different. It was as if he had squandered his last chance to be with her. It was as if she had let him go, for in her death she could truly set him free.

" _No, please no"_

Henry was the thief that stole her heart, the bastard that crushed it in his hands, and the coward that let it go. And now his heart is bleeding, painfully drowning in its regret. Now his hands are tied, there is nothing that he could do for her. So he just presses his forehead on hers, one last time. To inhale her scent. It was always the same as he remembered, the same sweetness of apples, muskiness of cinnamon, and freshness of fresh flowers. A new wave of tears spilled from his eyes, because it would be the last time. The last time he would smell the scent that smelled like home, the last time he would walk into his home.

His world would crumble die. Whither with his mother, and burn to ash. Just like those hearts on the palm of his mothers hand, in a split second transform from living and breathing to dead, gray ash.

Who will wipe away all his tears now? Who would be the dark night that would fight away his nightmares? Who would be the there to hold his hand and pull him back when he had gone too far, at the same pushing him forward?

There would be nothing to fix him now, time will not heal this wound, because he would be beyond repair. Half of a man drifting through life, carrying the memories, of his choices with him like a noose tightening around his neck with each day as a reminder of his cowardice, his childish morality. No curse could be this painful, no magic this final, because it was not magic that was the source of his pain. It was his own choices, the choices made so carelessly, selfishly, because the consequences were hazed. Because he could not see clearly through his shattered frame of mind. Now this great divide had left him abandoned, alone with his anger.

David didn't know exactly what he was seeing. The last thing he remembers was being thrown against the wall of the house by a strange force, then a blinding white light. He couldn't move a muscle, the force of Henry's magic was too powerful. He could barely see two inches in front of himself because of this the gale rushing around the house that kept him pinned down. Though he could make out two figures in the light, one prone on the ground, he guessed Regina, and the other Henry? It couldn't be, he knew that Henry didn't know magic, especially anything this powerful. However there was no other explanation for this onslaught of energy swirling around them.

He could hear the buzzing of words on the wind, fragments of sounds. Was Henry chanting?

"Henry!" Charming roared pointlessly. As he geared up to scream another wave of energy hit his chest knocking the wind out of him. "Hen..."

Suddenly the magic burst, fading slowly, receding into a faint glow like that of a candle in the darkness. Little rays of white were radiating from Henry, the little shaking boy, who seemed so small fragile, broken. He looked like the fire inside this collapsing home. The little bit of light waiting to be snuffed out. Charming could barely move, as he struggled with his body. He throat tightened, scratched had tender from hours of screaming. "Henry, what the hell..." He whispered hoarsely. David pulled himself up clumsily, finding some much needed support from the nearby wall, he stood on weakened knees. The light might have been gone but the pressure of his magic was nauseating, it was as if all his pain was coming out of his body, and painting the room in darkness, he could feel every singe emotion surging through the kid like a sick roller coaster.

*Cough*Cough*

A tiny cough, no louder than a squeak of a mouse pulled Henry out of his balling. Not sure what he heard, he pulled his forehead from his mothers to see what was even going on around him. It wasn't until a cold hand cupped his cheek. "Henry...my...beautiful...son."

Regina whispered, dazed, still not fully awake, before unconsciousness overtook her again.

* * *

"Alexandra Cabot"

Squinting her eyes in overwhelming light, a groan escaped her lips, as the scent of medicine over took his senses. The offensive scent of anesthetic and cleaning detergent assaulted her nose. She became keenly aware of exactly where she was. The tell tale white walls surrounded her, window allowed the cold light of the morning sun to enter the room. She knew this was a hospital though. She had no idea how much time had past, how long had she been laying in the bed. Most importantly what happened after Liv had caught her, or how real that was, was it just a really vivid trip from the anesthetic or something more. _Don't be stupid Alexandra._ She could almost hear her mother, well step mother Ingrid in her mind.

She wanted to chuckle but the motion was too painful. Well now it was clear that she had got shot and survived. Which was a bit iffy considering she had been tripping balls the last few hours. Though it was definite since she could feel the rough canvas of the bandage wrapped around her skin, and the crimson staining the bandage over her chest and shoulder, and the pull of the sling over her arm. There was a part of Alex that wanted it to be a nightmare, all of it. For all of this to just be a dream, so she can wake up and go to work just like she does everyday.

"Miss Cabot, we don't have much time." A male voice stated. The voice was gruff and tired, it was cordial but forced like each part of his cadence was rehearsed and tweaked to perfection. Her skin bristled from his voice, somehow she could always tell if people were genuine or not, he was as fake as they come. His voice was venomous he smelled of the streets, and a bit of gun powder, all mixed with the scent of fresh cigarette smoke.

Alex turned her head slowly to face the source of the voice. Though she instantly regretted it, her muscles were all so sore, it felt as if she was fighting each muscle in her body to make even the simplest of movements. A dull ache followed, she had felt it once before, knowing that it will get exponentially worse as the pain meds wore off the thanked her lucky starts for the morphine that they were pumping through her IV.

Alex's brow creased as she faced him, he didn't have the face of a cop. He didn't seem like the type to be in law enforcement, she would know, she was a DA. He reminded her of a ferret more or less. His face was a little dopey, he seemed to exude or command about zero authority. He didn't have a commanding presence at all, he seemed a little meek, his hands were hit in the pockets of his black wool trench-coat, which was just an item too expensive for him to buy on a detective salary, but even if he bought it he would cherish it more than to wear it on the job. His eyes were firmly planted on her, but they weren't _on_ her, it was always in her general direction, he had seemed to evade direct eye contact. Which began to peak Alex's interest. There was also a woman behind him, she was a totally different story, he frame wasn't small, but it wasn't too bulky, she had taken her coat off, she was wearing a moderately expensive blouse. Her whole outfit was all standard issue, like something you would see from an extra in a crime fighting show. She could see the lean muscle that was generously traced by the blouse arms that were a little too tight. She had a tough frame, probably had seen battle, but her arms had the most bulk, her shoulders were oddly square, means she probably carried a lot on them in her time, though one was almost imperceptibly larger than the other. As the dark woman held her coffee cup her hands were about as still as a surgeon, and her breaths were even and measured. She was a sniper. Military at that. It made sense, her intense gaze, perfect deadpan, and perfect bun without a strand out of place.

 _What's an ex - military sniper doing here with this dopey idiot?_

"Miss-"

"I heard you -" Alex whispered harshly, barely keeping her voice from crackling like a thin wrapper, " - The first time...What do you want?"

"It's not about what we want. It's about what's going to happen next." The woman cut in rudely, as she stood up with her coffee in hand. More to force Alex to acknowledge who exactly was in command of the room. The dark woman wasn't the tallest one in the room, but she certainly overshadowed her partner.

Alex's throat ran dry again, she cleared her throat a bit more loudly than she wanted to. Before should even apologize, the warm coffee was in front of her face. _How the...the woman got here before I could even blink._ Alex glanced up at the woman, her glare left no room for argument, though she didn't intimidate Alex in the slightest. And Alex feels like the dark woman realizes this by the beginnings of a smirk curling on her mouth.

"Drink." The dark woman, commanded, well almost commanded, it had the potency of a command but her voice just wasn't sharp enough for it to bee too serious. Alex's smirk grew imperceptibly, but she took the cup anyway. She knew her utter aloofness was pissing the dark woman off. Even more than the fact that she was just cradling the drink in her hand instead of drinking it.

"You need to be awake for what we're about to say." The dark woman spoke again, this time with utter detachment as she took a few steps back.

Taking the cue her partner pulls himself out of her shadow and speaks up, "Miss Cabot, I am Special Agent Gregg Mendel, and this is my partner Special Agent Tamara Green" they both flash their badges "in light of recent events we need to take you into special witness protection. As you know you've really, I mean really pissed off the Cartel's not just the Velez cartel but the rest as well. It seems like they want to make an example out of you, and I'm sorry to say but with good reason too, before this case the Cartel's functioned with almost no impunity, well at least to their top ranking members. But you just took out a pretty big fish, like the second in command, kudos to you, but.."

"- Shut up Greg, point is you just made your life one big clusterfuck. And now to keep you alive we need to get you out of here as fast as we can. But you're not going to like it."

Alex gulped as the hot agent - er- Tamara sat down on the edge of the hospital bed, her arm found purchase on the other side of the bed, so she was draped over her. Burning steely onyx eyes bore into hers. She was dangerous, her eyes shone brightly against her dark complexion, her dangerous scent devoured her senses, exotic, original, clearly not from around here. Her delicate features had captivated the lawyer, and she was powerless to it. Her knees grew weaker as she could feel them press against the detective. Tamara's predatory grin widened, as she watched Alex squirm beneath were locked in a staring match that she was clearly domineering, not like Alex wanted to win anyway.

A faint rustle broke them out of their trance, and Alex was able to focus on something else other than Tamara's plump lips -er - predator - er - face, just face. A thin syringe was now in Tamra's hand, "For you to disappear you need to die. These cartel's won't stop until you are dead and they find something or someone else to focus their attention on. We're going to fake your death with this. It's a derivative of puffer fish poison, it will make your heart rate extremely low for about 4 hours,which is enough time for you to be processed and placed in the morgue. From there we will retrieve your body and we will be on our way to the safe house north of here. However be warned this poison acts very quickly you will fall unconscious in about 15 minutes. But before that we need you to sign a DNR form." Tamara explained in a low unwavering voice, it was firm like steel but words rolled off her tongue like fine silk.

"Are you insane!? There is no way in hell I'm going into WPP!" Alex thundered slicing through the rising tension in the room. Tamara's hold over her seemed to collapse in an instant and the agent jerked away from her. Anger bubbled slowly inside her, shimmering since they had awoken her, and now fully ablaze, "Did you expect me to just roll over and go through with this asinine plan? What the hell are you thinking! I'm not going to bow down to these Cartels, they've already taken too much from this city, from this department, from me..."

Tamara in an instant put her hand over Alex's mouth, lunging toward her until they were face to face, until she was only a breath away. Tamara leaned in and hissed out through gritted teeth,"Stop causing a racket! Don't you get that this isn't a game!? This isn't some court case that suddenly ends with a beat of the gavel? This is your life, or hell, what ever the fuck is going to be left of it! Don't be an idiot, these people aren't the neighborhood rapists that you can fuck with! They can kill you with a single phone call! Don't you understand what these people will do to you?"

Alex stared wide eyed, unable to move as Tamara pressed her hand into the shoulder that she got shot in. She could barely stifle the yelp threatening to escape her mouth.

"Oh you think this is pain? You should be ready for what they're going to do to you. They will grab you when you least expect it, maybe not tomorrow, or a week from now, or even a month from now. You'll start to feel safe, like they've forgotten about you. But the cartel doesn't forgive and they certainly don't forget. And then when you're least expecting it, out of the blue you get into a taxi but this time it isn't the taxi guy but a Cartel hit man, but he won't kill you, no, you won't get off that easy. They'll knock you out, quickly, so quickly that you won't even get a chance to scream or process what's happening. And when you finally come to, you won't be in America, you probably won't even be on the continent anymore. And when you're out of reach of police and any help, they will break you, day and night, they will break you, they will break **every...** **single...bone** in your body, mark **every... single...inch** of your skin, they will shatter your mind, and turn you into their little bitch that they will fuck day and night until you don't even feel it anymore. Until you're just a human blow up doll, and once you're so broken and disgusting that even _they_ can't look at you they will dismember you and dissolve whatever is left of your body and spread dump the sludge in a nearby dump. Is that what you want huh? Does that sound like a bright future to you! **Is it sinking in? Don't be stupid Alexandra Cabot.** "

This was it, this was the end of Alexandra Cabot Special Victims Unit lawyer extraordinaire, this was the end of the golden trio, this was the end of Alex as Olivia and Elliot's best friend, this was the end Alex as the only one who listens to Munch's newest conspiracy theory, this was the end of Allie - the one who has Saturday brunch with Captain Craigen, this was the end of Alexandra as the one who manages to get under Petrovsky's skin the most, this would be the end of the Donelly- Cabot power duo, it saddened her most that the last argument they had about law would be their last.

With death comes a finality that cannot be put into words. It is the final destination so to speak. Her eyes drifted toward the window, to the streets of New York and all it's memories, the ups and downs, and everything in between. And now it's come crumbling down, just like it always does, and it will again. The night has never seemed darker than it does tonight. It was as if the curtain had fallen on Alexandra Cabot, but instead of cloth the curtain was a guillotine. They could take her body away from here, they could take her to the other side of the earth but her heart would always be here, this will always be her home. Her heart would always be with Olivia, she will always hold a piece of her like a locket. Her love would be with Neal as well though it would never be the same as the love she holds for Olivia, but she was always too timid to say anything. And now she will never have a chance to correct it. A silent death fitting for a coward.

Alex tentatively reached to grab Tamara's wrist, she gripped it faintly, her touch as light as a feather. She carefully removed it from her mouth, her blue eyes still firmly fixed on the window.

"How long?" She muttered, her voice had suddenly lost all its power, authority. "How long until I wake up again?"

"Five to six hours at best." Greg chimed in.

Alex shot him a glare that screamed, _speak again and I will kill you in your sleep._

"Would you - "

"No" Alex interjected a little too forcefully, "It would be too cruel..."

A humorless chuckle resounded through the still room. Alex's eyes darted towards the origin of the sound only to find Tamara's cold, dead eyes stare right back at her. "You really are an idiot" She said, "Do you know what people would give to see someone they love one last time, just say goodbye?"

"Goddamn it! Don't you think _I_ of all people would know!" Alex let out an undignified snarl, her usually pristine features twisted betraying the pain deep within that she kept in a special box within her heart, never to be opened.

"Do you know how many people I have seen just end. Their lives just ended, all their happiness just...gone because of someone else, someone who they had barely known, someone who they had never seen before, or someone who they had trusted so completely that they couldn't see the monster lying in wait for them. Do you know how many people I've worked with died each day, they died a million deaths when they walked into my court room, they died each time they had to relive what happened to them, over and over again, they died a billion times before their bodies gave in." Her words were rushed, as if the damn had broken, the chain that held her together for so long had finally snapped beneath the pressure.

"- The families, they were fragmented, they were beyond repair, because they had to watch their loved one suffer, time and time again. And for what! What justice did they get, what kind of twisted closure? Just more pain, more pain than it's worth," Alex shook her head mutely, "I won't do it to them, let them think I died a quick death, there on the streets. I just want them to keep living their lives, they have the right to move on, let them think it was just one of those freak things. An unlucky twist of fate in this shitty life."

"I hope you don't regret this Cabot." Greg finally chimed in, keeping his eyes trained on the little droplets of rain descending lazily down the cold window.

"Regret... it's an extravagant emotion in my line of work."

With one final glance at the clock Tamara sighed, "Okay lets do this Cabot. The poison should start working in about 5 minutes, so just sign the DNR so the doctors don't shock you and actually kill you alright?"

Alex grabbed the clipboard that was thrown haphazardly on her bed, and her hand numbly scratched her signature on the dotted line. It would be her last signature as Alexandra Cabot. The moment the tip of her pen left the paper, her hand was quickly jerked away and gripped quite roughly by Tamara, who was still tightly clutching the syringe. She brought Alex's pale arm towards her, giving it one last sweep, she could almost see a twinge of sadness in her dark pools, almost. Alex knew better.

"Last chance Cabot" Tamara whispered, schooling her face into the picture of impartiality.

The allure was undeniable. To see them one last time, to share one last laugh. But she didn't want to remember them with tears staining their faces, grief and revenge on their minds. She wanted to remember the ups, them at their best. Those precious moments at the bar when they were all finally together at the bar, just sitting, laughing drinking some cool half decent beer. She knew that they would live on in her heart. She would always have these moments, these memories forever etched in her heart, living within her, through her. With ever beat of her heart, with every court room, with every stale doughnut and shitty coffee, with every sci-fi movie, with every cold long night. She would remember them, her team, her family, her life.

Her resolve steeled her heart, as it ached for the chance to see them again. But her mind had already said no as she shook her head.

"As you wish then."

Tamara bit the plastic end of the syringe cap and exposed the needle, her deft hands quickly slid down her arms to the area just below the shoulder, with no hesitation she jabbed the needle into Alex's arm. There wasn't even time to yelp as the cold liquid was injected into her muscle. Before even a breath left Alex's body the needle was already chucked out the window. Tamara had left her side and made her way toward Greg who was already at the door.

The world seemed to slow and grow darker. The colors seemed to fade, but it wasn't exactly bright in the beginning.

"You have a good day now Ms. Cabot."

 _Fuck you...asshole._

* * *

The story is back! Yay! Happy 2017 guys and stay tuned as the story finally goes into full swing and I will finally write some decent FrozenQueen fanfiction. Please leave some reveiws and comments if you like this writing style change or if i should go back to the old way. but yeah just keep reading i promise it should get better from here.


	8. Tangled Strings

Enjoy! and please review I'd love to hear what you guys think it would really help me improve my writting.

* * *

Tangled Strings

* * *

 _"I know I should have held you closer,_  
 _And I know I should have treated you better,_  
 _In a perfect world._  
 _But we're not always what we promise to be._  
 _You caught my words in mid-air,_  
 _The silence hung as you caught my eye,_  
 _Conversations locked away in my mind."_

 _\- Adventure Club_

* * *

Today was one of those rare quiet days.

The serene silence soothed over Story Brooke. If one was to look at Story Brooke now they would see a Hallmark image of a perfect town come to life right before their eyes. The streets were for the most part empty save for the occasional pedestrian rushing somewhere, and nowhere. The warm midday rays warmed the air just slightly, beaming down, radiating warmth to the still sleepy town beneath. Even the buildings stood serenely awash in the tender glow.

For once Story Brooke was indeed peaceful, not a single trance of disturbance, save for a soft breeze tangling between the trees causing the occasional rustle of the trees. The scene was so elegant and calm that it captivated even Granny on one of her busier days, so Mrs. Hardass- Werewolf had to stop and stare for a moment between orders to just look at this succinct moment, before it would inevitably be shattered by the next incoming crisis.

For a certain Pawn Shop manager, today was one of the rare and long awaited moments of respite, even within his dusty pawnshop where the very air was stale, filled with that singular musk that only old wood and parchment could emanate, it was silent. No raucous witches or wizards trying to manhandle one of his priceless artifacts, no savior's beating his door down for the nth time. It was simply silent. The only sound was the incidental flutter of papers sliding through his rough fingers, and then the patter of his ghostly dark footsteps echoing through the room as he moved gracefully around the shop.

A small sly smile graced Gold's face for the first time in a long time, as he realized that there was no more work for him to do. So, he simply breathed, breathed the stale air in through his nose, gently titling his head back, to fully take in the serenity. There was no ecstasy for him quite like the happiness that comes from stillness and a well hatched plan. He was like a grand-master chess player finally able to realize his strategy. His cold black heart fluttered with what he could only be described most accurately as joy, since he has never really felt it in over a hundred years. Excitement surged through his short digits as they rapped a monotonous tune of the glass display case beneath his palms.

A low distant rumble surged through the shop.

 _"Ah there it is"_

As moments passed the rumbling became ostensibly louder forcing Rumple out of his quiet musings. With the same climactic trepidation that one would see in a child who is about to open a Christmas present Gold rushed down the creaking dusty stairs of his pawnshop. Entering the dim corridor, the rancid stench overtook his senses, next time he would make sure to completely dispose of his more interesting concoctions, no poison that he remembered making was this noxious, but then Gold tends to surprise even himself sometimes. Stalking further he followed the thunderous clatter further, with every rumble he could feel his heart pound faster against his chest, his steps were light and cautious until the noise led his to a well-lit room in the spacious hall.

He entered the well-lit library, lit by ever burning candles floating throughout the room. The room was untouched by time, as if it was ripped out of a 13th century novella. It was grand, books as far as the eye can see stored upon dark cherry shelves, surrounded by walls of stone, and at the center of the library were tables lined each with their own floating candles and cushioned chairs. Everything was pristine, organized, and ordered to perfection. This was a small piece of heaven for Rumple, a little sanctuary for him.

The twisting in his gut could only mean one thing, and it was nothing good. The rumbling he deduced could only come from one place considering the churning within his body which he could only attribute to a semblance of a metaphorical and highly hypothetical conscience. Sparks of deep crimson magic crackled on the tips of his fingers as he snapped them together, and as he did so a decently sized light wood carved box appeared in front of him.

"My, my, it seems that everything is falling into place. Just as I had hoped." Rumple said to himself, chuckling whimsically.

Rumple ran his aged callous fingers down the smooth wood, he could feel the hum of magic sing a low tune against his fingers. The wood reflected the tender light magnificently within each curve of the intricate carvings. Unwanted memories flooded his mind, the memories of a different time, of a different place, a place and a time long past. But the box held a future, more precisely a promise of a future. His fingers stopped at the glided lock. With a sigh, he unlocked it and opened the box, a puff of air hit his face as it opened.

Only to find a fluffy mint green blanket, but this was no regular blanket. There was nothing quite regular about it. One couldn't even call it quite functional, for it did not age well at all. The threads came apart in his hands, the rough wool grated against his skin, and the moth damage was like a glaring sore, but it wasn't about the craftsmanship. No, not for this type of magic. It was what was within the knitting, within the wool, within the very existence of the blanket, within the stitched initials. It was love. The very first product of true love that he had come to possess. The product of the strongest love of all. The love between a mother and her child.

 _A...D... C._ His fingers traced each and every bend of the cursive letters, and his leathery skin boiled with the contact. The light magic rejecting his very essence only brought a little distorted smirk to his face as his eyes flashed that sickly green when the Dark One wanted to come out to play. And play he will. The tantalizing taste of magic was on lips, it was a breath away, just out of his reach. It was like blood in the water, and he was the shark.

Just as Rumple fell into an undisturbed silence, only the monotonous crackle of the distant chimney to keep him company, he laughed, sickening roar booming from each wall.

Once Rumple had finally found a perfect spot in the shop to place the blanket, something felt totally inexplicably wrong. The sky was dark with thick clouds overhead, the sun cowered in a thick blanket of clouds, like a shadow embracing the world in grey. The warm and peaceful silence was broken by the wailing frost wind. The complete opposite of the weather he remembered before going to the basement. The air was suffused with magic, it was no magic that he had ever tasted before, it was new, raw, unchained, pure. The air sizzled with emotion, he could even feel little stirrings of it within his little charred heart.

"And now for the first piece of the puzzle..."

* * *

Whale sat in the corner of the hospital room. Watching. Staring. He was like a shadow, a ghost, feeling the dreadfully lit room with his sickening presence. He watched as her shoulders heaved up and down, her shaky breaths go in and out, monotonously like a metronome needle swings back and forth at an agonizing and hypnotizing rhythm. He was stewing, boiling, cooking in his own broiling rage. Everything about the person in the bed was pissing him off, her calm features, her steady breathing, her scent, her presence, her being. It was mindbogglingly infuriating. It took all of his training, and self-control to keep his itching fingers from wrapping around her throat and just simply squeezing.

But that was then. That would have been without question then. But now he needed information. Information that made her suddenly, utterly, indispensable. So that leaves him here, in this infuriatingly uncomfortable chair, waiting, watching her take her infuriating breaths. Why does she get a moment of peace? She did nothing to deserve it? Why should she get her rest?

"You lied to me. Again." He said with spite, like venom dripping from his voice.

There is no response. Only a weak grunt escaped her lips. Sending Whale's rage just to the brim of the tipping point. He shoots out of his chair, each stop of his foot as he strides to Regina's bedside held a determination rarely seen by the herr docktor. On pure impulse, his calloused but even hand grabs her shoulder. He shook her shoulder lightly at first. Seeing barely a semblance of a response. His movements turned violent.

She stirred.

"What do you want Whale." She answered groggily, as her hand clumsily swung to swat his arm from her shoulder.

"You lied." He snipped.

It was Regina's turn to recoil, "What?" She snapped, rubbing the remnants of sleep from her eyes.

The world refused to come back to focus, the florescent light beaming down into her eyes, quite literally blinding her. All the sudden stimulation all culminated in a pounding headache. Which now pissed her off. Stacking the tension like tetris bricks in the room.

"About other lands! They're still intact aren't they!" He thundered.

"No."

"Damn it Regina!" He roared, as his palm slammed against the drywall, "Don't lie to me, he already told me everything."

"He?" Regina's brow lowered, her mouth thinned imperceptibly. But it relapsed back into her default grimace nearly instantaneously, can't have Whale thinking he had _actually_ gotten something on her.

"Charming." Whale growled out, with smug confidence plastered over his face.

Regina tilted her head, turning it so she was facing Whale squarely, her mouth curling into a cheeky grin. Her eyes twinkled like those of a child who had just gotten away with stealing the last cookie from a cookie jar.

"Explains the shiner." Sweet, sweet venomous contempt dripped with each word that oozed out of her mouth.

Whale's hand soothed tentatively over his jaw, brushing over the blue-black monstrosity covering his skin. He barely stifled a hiss from his lips, as he for the first time today had an actual second to focus on the dull monotonous ache, courtesy of Charming. A little sadistic smirk contorted his face, a prideful glint in his eye was unmistakable. HE wore that shiner like badge of honor.

"Ah this, yes, it was courtesy of our resident prince."

* * *

 _"You. We need to talk."_

 _Whale's yell echoed through the cavernous hall of the hospital. His voice carries through the silence, like a petulance, lingering, crawling through the air. But his deafening roar reached everybody except for one, the one person who could sit ignorant if a troll passed him by and punched him in the face._

 _The look of absolute scorn flitted across his face as he gained ground on David._

 _Crack._

 _Maybe it was the rage, maybe it was because his head was too far up his ass to see two feet in front of him. But Whale suddenly found himself on the cold hard pavement, the rough gravel scrapping its rough surface against his back. His vision swam for a bit, and the world began to make ominous surface around itself, images deformed and twisted, blurry and oblong; suddenly a hot liquid poured out of his numb nose, traveling down his lip, running down the contour of his mouth to slowly drip down his numb fingers touched the wetness beneath his nose to find crimson red painting his fingers._

 _"Oh! What the hell was that for!" Whale spat, jumping to his feet. His voice glinting with a newly ignited rage as his eyes graced Charming's smug mug._

 _"Sleeping with my wife." Charming answered plainly, with his signature foolhardiness permeating each and every syllable. The prince grabbed his hand, massaging away the pain from his painfully bruised knuckles. Though it was not an admission to the pain, it was as though he was staying his hand from another surprise assault on the doctor's person._

 _"Kathryn?" Whale asked genuinely confused. It was too easy to see David Nolan, instead of Prince James of Misthaven. And David Nolan's wife was Kathryn, who our good doctor had not the slightest inkling of an affair with._

 _"Snow."_

 _Whale's stomach sank. Now Mary-Margaret was a different story. But who could see Snow-White kick ass archer underneath a cheap Gap cardigan._

 _He could see David's frown deepen, he could see the look of disappointment, disgust and anger floating to the surface, as though the mere thought caused him physical harm. He supposed it did._

 _Whale rolled his eyes, sighing, "Look, I didn't know. All right? I was cursed."_

 _"Yeah, I got it. What do you want?" David answered professionally, slipping back into good cop David Nolan instead of scorned lover James of Misthaven. He spoke as if he didn't just crack a few of Whale's bones just a few moments ago. Whale's offhanded sneer remained glued to his face, causing David's already smug smirk to grow even wider._

 _"So... is it true? People are saying that you're trying to find a way to build a portal back to your land because that's where you think Emma and Mary Margaret are, that they're alive." Whale asked. But his words were different, they didn't hold the same cutting sarcasm, or biting wit. They held this startling human quality, they held hope_.

 _"Well, the whispers can stop. I have no secrets from this town. That's exactly what I'm doing." David announced, turning his head to the casual onlooker, projecting his voice just loud enough for people in a five-foot radius to hear him. Charming had this quality to him, this man could give substance to air, and confidence to the cowardly lion._

 _Whale couldn't stop the onlookers from responding to Charming's words. Whale bristled at the sheep-like obedience and faith that this man inspired with his very presence. The doctor could sense scorching bile fill his throat._

 _"But the land... it's... it's gone, destroyed by the curse." Whale asked, no stated. He was actually interested in how the dear prince would explain away that conundrum._

 _"Apparently not." David snipped begging to rustle through his pockets, glancing towards a room behind Whale._

 _"Well, you're having any luck?"_

 _"Not yet. We're working on it."_

 _As Whale's curiosity was growing the conversation was growing more and more contentious, as David's sudden need to end the discourse contradicted Whale's newfound focus and curiosity._

 _"Does that mean that_ _all_ _the lands still exist?"_

 _"Possibly." David ground out through his teeth, as he tried to side step Whale to get to the door which he was oh so conveniently blocking. He almost got past Whale too, had his not grasped David's like an anaconda twines with its prey._

 _"So, the Queen lied to us. Again. Are you sure?"_

 _David turned his head sharply, breathing one last exasperated sigh as he snatched his arm from Whale's death grip._

 _"Remember who we're talking about."_

* * *

"Charming going on another foolhardy self-righteous dead end crusade isn't anything new." Regina chuckled mirthlessly, finishing thinly veiled rancor with her signature headshake. She could feel Whale's anger bubble to the surface. His hands balled into fists, eyes grew colder, digging holes through Regina's Teflon gaze. He wanted, no, needed her to give something away, anything to justify the insatiable gnawing ache that scrapped at his sanity. Anything to justify the pain, the longing within his heart.

But somehow, he was blinded. Blinded by her immaculate visage, her plastic pleasantries, her calculated smile, her methodical cadence. Everything about her threw him for a spin.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't but would it kill you tell me the fucking truth Regina - for fucking once." Whale seethed. He was reaching his tipping point; his hands were shaking. He was angry to the point of being terrified. Terrified of the implications that the truth had. If Regina wasn't lying to him would be more devastating than if Regina was lying through his teeth. If Regina was telling him the truth that would mean he was alone in this world. Truly and utterly alone. His home would be lost, his memories of childhood, his life, the only part of his life that had any meaning would be lost to time. He would be living but never belonging, and that was more terrifying than anything that even Regina's twisted mind could have concocted.

"I am telling you the truth!" Regina declared, as she shot up from the bed. However, the sudden movement proved to be too dizzying to her. The suppressed nausea was resurfacing at an alarming rate, the numbed pain tore at her chest once again. But she only faltered for an instant. Her fiery glare matched Whales in an instant.

"Bullshit" He hissed, "But fine, what do you want then Regina? What is this going to take? All magic comes with a price? So, what's it going to be this time! My soul?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. What's it going to take for you to send me back to my realm. Send me back to my brother."

Regina opened her mouth but no sound came. She had a witty diatribe fully locked and loaded but it seemed moot. For the first time in a long time somebody had blindsided Regina Mills. For all the years that she had known Dr. Asshole Whale she never in a million years imagined that he would have another human that he actually cared about, she imagined his empathy only went so far as science was concerned. But human to human empathy seemed to be a concept as foreign to him, as snow in the Sahara.

"Why don't you check the "Missing" board like everybody else?" She muttered haphazardly, as she tried to string an insult together.

"Your curse only brought the living…" He mumbled through gritted teeth.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry for your loss. I'll be sure to send flowers your way -"

"I don't want your fucking flowers" Whale bellowed.

"That's too bad because regardless I can't send anyone anywhere." Regina said her hands purposefully gesturing as she does to make her point come across. But it appears her words were falling on deaf ears, pushing the limits of her exasperation even further.

"Can't or won't? You of all people have a price. So, what is it? Do you want your Stable Boy back? Your boy toy in exchange for my brother?"

A torturous gold glow radiated from her eyes. Fire crackled in her palm, brown, gold, and blood red coalesced in the palm of her hand. A dangerous dance of anger and pain found form in the fire as it bent and ignited at Regina's whim. Whale's words opened an old wound, a deep gash in her soul that was barely held together by the loose stitched of time, but now the damn had been broken once again. Now the pain washed over her like a cascade, shooting through each pore, filling her being, like blood from an artery.

Before the doctor could realize the fatal mistake, Regina flew at Whale, grabbing his shoulder with her free hand, pinning him against the wall of the hospital room. A loud thud resounded through the room over the crackle and whoosh of the flame in the palm of her hand. Usually chocolate eyes burned an amber-scarlet as they bore into Whale.

Regina could barely hide her pure disgust, and anger. She was so angry that her jaw refused to unlock and no words formed in her mouth. Whale's whimpers snapped her from her dark trance, and the rancid stench of his sweat did well to sober Regina.

"If you don't get the hell out of here I will show you just how _dear_ the payment will be for wasting my _time_ Whale." Regina whispered, as she brought he flame just close enough to his face that the tips of the flame licked at his neck.

Whale didn't even have a chance to open his mouth for a reply before he was swallowed by purple smoke. Regina didn't exactly care where she apparated him, it was anywhere but here. She could've dropped him into a volcano in Hawaii for all she knows.

In a snap of her fingers the same purple smoke of her magic adorned her with a clean set of clothes, reapplied her makeup and straightened her hair. She was Regina mills once more. Well a shell of the women or so she tells herself.

Regina herself didn't really know what she was, or what was real. As she walked, as she put one foot in front of another and walked through the hospitals and into her little terrarium world, she thought back to Alex, and that dream, premonition, whatever. For the first time in a long time since Emma's arrival she felt like a human being, she didn't feel evil, she didn't feel like Her Majesty, she just felt like Regina Cabot nee Mills. She felt like a person once more. She felt human. She felt at home. As if the bubble that separated her from the rest of the world was popped, no longer was she underwater, reacting to the tides of crisis, to the motions of change, and the undercurrents of the _game_.

Click. Click. Click. She trudged forward underneath the moons jaded eye. She thought about the what if's, the questions that would be answered in her dreams. A part of Regina, no, the whole of Regina's being wanted this Alex to be true, to be something more than a construct of her mind. How she wanted to let go of the walls around her heart, how she wanted these defenses to go down. But she was ashamed, she was ashamed of the rivers running deep on her face. She was ashamed that she caused Henry so much pain, she was ashamed that she was not strong enough then to hold on to her child, the same child she was not strong enough to carry into this world, the child that now haunts her thoughts.

With the same mechanical numbness, Regina opened the door to her car. Click. Click. Click. Click. She dreaded the end of this walk, because now she had to return to reality. The musings would return to the world of imagination once more and she would present. Being present is the scariest thing in the world for Regina, because that would mean her problems would again be apocalyptically present, wars would continue to be fought, people would continue to hate her, the world would continue to try to take everything she cares or cared about.

Alex being a figment of her imagination would be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It would the last feeling she had.

She didn't know how long she was driving for, or how far, or even which road she was on. Instead of focusing on the road she prayed. She prayed to fate, to the tangled strings of events that make up her future, she prayed to pull the string that leads her to Alex. She wished for a map that lead to her. If there was such a thing, a map to her happiness because she knew Alex would be a part of it.

The rain fall grows stronger with each passing minute. It floods her windshield, but Regina keeps on driving. It was the dead of night anyway, who would Regina hurt even if she did crash. A tree maybe?

Suddenly a figure is on the road. She barely makes out the visage in the lights as she swerves to evade the pedestrian. Regina has just enough time to hit the brakes. She stops within an inch of the car.

She sees a man stand in front of her. Tall, hunched over. She turns on her higher beamed lights and she catches a glimpse of his face. She could recognize those icy blue eyes anywhere.

"Daniel?" Regina breathes. She doesn't believe her eyes. She blinks but he is gone with the next spark of lighting coursing through the sky.

Regina immediately pulls the keys out of the ignition. She jumps out of her car, damn the rain, damn her designer clothes. She just literally saw a ghost of her past in front of her. She had seen _her_ Daniel.

"Daniel!" She screamed

"Daniel!" Another scream tore at her throat, and then another, and another. She screamed until her voice cracked. Until she was soaked in freezing water so deep that she could feel the ice crystals form in her bones. She stood there until she drowned in the icy water.

Regina is broken. She breaks with each cry. She breaks as her knees hit the ground. She breaks as she comes to the end of this world. Her world that she built. The world with Henry and the world with magic, and the world of the Evil Queen.

She would have to leave Regina to leave the Evil Queen. Finally, she has realized that they are one and the same. Two sides of the same coin.

To let go she must first break ties with her last tether to this world.

* * *

There was one place left for Regina. The place where she left her love, her heart, her life. It was the place where everything was at peace. It was where she shed the skin of the evil queen, she stopped being the haunting shadow of nightmares, fiancé, abused wife, evil stepmother. This was where she began her journey into solitude and stagnancy. Emptiness.

Deep in the depths of her mausoleum, guarded by two towering solid wood doors there was a single tomb. For within was something so precious that Regina never let anybody inside, only once did she let strange eyes peer within. Not since Henry.

For a moment, Regina froze in the cavernous dim hall, lackluster amber eyes drifted to the grand doors, their emanant energy enticing her to enter, but her body screamed for her to stop, breathe, rethink. She pressed a hand against the smooth reinforced wood, the radiance was almost tangible. From the instant the magic touched the tips of her fingers Regina knew that the choice was no longer hers.

The doors swung open, an ear-splitting creak resounded through the enormous sanctum. Blinding white light beamed through the crevice. Revealing rows of drumming hearts filed behind stone chambers, but in the center among the beating hearts there was a single inanimate object, the casket of her true love. The air grew thicker with each moment, each click of her footsteps pounding in tandem with her racing heart. The casket hasn't changed. The room hasn't changed. The same stale air invaded her senses, the same monotonous thumping resounded through the sanctuary. The stone still held the echoes of a time long past, as if it was ripped from the timeline forever held in stasis. The echoes were more painful than these staunch reminders of the past, these echoes held a promise of a future shattered, the happiness held but never achieved, tasted but never remembered.

Regina rand her finger along the side of the casket, tracing each imperfection of the cold stone.

Something was off. She could feel it in her heart, she could taste it, she could feel it resounding bones.

Something was missing.

She let her magic free. It burst from the tips of her fingers in a lilac poof, tossing off the heavy stone casket lid.

It was empty.

Daniel was gone.

Again.

* * *

Believe it or not i had most of this written in february it feels good to have it finally on paper. however i do apologize for this slow chapter but i do feel like i need to provide some context for regina before i introduce alex and elsa and emma. also who doesnt want to see more of gold he's always fun to write.

im actually most excited to write about the weird situation between alex, neal, emma, and tamara and olivia.

i know it seems like i'm skipping around but please be patient it will all make sense soon enough.


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